Best Friends…Cant live without them 29, August, 2008

Well ive been having a dramatic week with mum been sick and all, on the upside I got a promotion at work so im part of ‘management’ now. I guess I gotta stop blogging at work act like a manager. Well my week had been very trying, I actually felt so exhausted that if someone could have knocked me over with a feather.. my best friend decided to take me out for after work drinks. She finally convinced me to go I convinced myself to go out with the following reasons:

1)    You have had a big week

2)    You need a couple of cocktails to wind down

3)    We wont stay out too long

4)    You gotta at least have a drink to celebrate your promotion

5)    Maybe just maybe you might meet someone……

 

Well we got to the bar….. first of all it looked closed… strange for a Friday night, I thought, but it was actually open there were people in there… entered the bar…. Strangely enough it was quite empty… just a few women sitting around…and one old man that looked more like he was probably staff…we order our first round of cocktails…noticed more people were arriving… oh look at that… of course it would be… all females as well…………. Hmmmm me startin to thinks that itz not normal for a bar…where are all the men!?…

 

The deal was I should go out maybe have the possibility of meeting someone…but what a day to go out…. Turns out a big football game on tonight so that is why the bar looked more like a lesbian bar for the first 45 mins we were there… and then all that poured in were old men like 50 year olds…and not even hot Daniel Craig lookalikes … 50 + year olds that looked like grandpa Simpson…. So I decided to drink 2 cocktails and then come home….. urgh so not in the mood to be around humans… hehe.

Susi Spice…Love Guru..Blogalist….Farmer! 27, August, 2008

Just thought id share a little news with you that I am thrilled about! About a month or so ago I had a sudden urge to have a little vegetable garden. So I prepared my yard, bought the necessary compost etc and started to plant my veggie garden.

I planted some of my staples. I have planted carrots, spinach, strawberries, radish, beetroot, silverbeet, onions and garlic! Soon I will be planting some gem squash that I have recently become addicted to. Gem Squash is this little cannon ball/grapefruit size vegetable, dark green in colour with a wonderful bright yellow pumpkin-y looking fleshy inside..its so delicious it has this sweet pumpkin-squash texture that is just so delicious!

 

The exciting news that has me thrilled is that my carrots and spinach (that I planted 2-3 weeks ag) have germinated!! They are growing!!! I am sooo happy!! I hope that they continue to grow and flourish. I cant wait to see my other seeds germinate. Lets hope so!

 

I love nature!!!

Dating in your mid 20’s – Whats up with us girls? 26, August, 2008

I have been thinking that perhaps my postings have been a little one sided. I mean I discuss a lot of things from a female perspective and that is great and all however, given the person I am, I also have been playing devils advocate against a few things ive been posting. So ive decided to explore a few of these points. I want to explore and see if there are any men out there who can provide any feedback on what I write, whether you agree or don’t agree.

 

Well the first thing coming to my mind is the most recent issue, both I and my best friend Arabian princess (see blogroll), have by a bizarre reason experienced lately, that is Push Pull men. Now my aim here is to explore and question whether it really is all on men’s side… I am questioning whether we as women are doing or not doing things that contribute to this behaviour. I am not seeking to give these men any excuses or reasons for such behaviour but to look at myself and see if maybe I am also guilty of a behaviour that condones push pull theorem or somehow inadvertently I have endorsed it or perpetuated it.  

 

Now push pull men as ive said before its like they try to pull you in whenever they want they push away when they want (or so it seems). Looking at it from an outside perspective… lets examine my behaviour…before the push pulling began with Mike, I had been very attentive, it just so happened that whenever he called I would always answer, he wrote me an email I would reply back straight away the day he sent it, he would send me an SMS (text message) on my mobile and I would reply immediately… so to me though I felt I was responding straight away because it was only courteous to do so. To me, it is courteous to reply to anyone as soon as you can. However was this behaviour wrong? Do our behaviours get interpreted differently in a man’s mind? Is it the idea that we are too available and therefore guys think, well she is a shoe-in and it gets boring? Whereas women, I think, a lot of the time its about been demonstrative of our feelings and showing through action that we want you guys, we want to be with you, we love talking to you etc… but men see it as ‘this is just too easy of a catch’ and then get spurned on by the challenge of the unattainable? I generally always say that I do not like playing games, but this push pull thing becomes a game. It becomes a game of cat and mouse or a chase and catch game like Peppy- Le Piu and his feline love interests. I pulled away from Mike because I felt there was no point been there, so did he suddenly get an urge and become Peppy Le Piu and decided that he now must have me because he knew he had me before and there was no way that I would be leaving him? Well just like the feline love interests of Peppy Le Piu I keep running now because it got too much man!

 

Now there is another very popular concept that women are too picky. That we women want too much we ask for too much. Maybe men have this also where we all have ideals of what we want a partner to be, we have checklists and requirements and prerequisites; we have “must have” and “would nice to have” and “no way” criterions. I was talking with my friends over this topic and I proposed to them that maybe we have become the generations of too much want. In marketing there is the concept that too much choice is actually a bad thing. Has giving people (men and women) too much choice becomes a bad thing when it comes to finding a partner? Has ambition got the better of us? Is this why we have so many failed relationships and marriages? I will outline the conversation that Arabian princess and I had the other day over this very topic. We were taking the devils advocate approach and comparing including culturally comparing the mores of societies both east meets west type stuff. Now what I am about to tell you may seem like a bad thing but its not… technically it is sociology. With my friends we often like to sit at cafes chat about everything and anything and on the odd occasion we do find ourselves seeing couples and think to yourself, “how does that work?”.. Now we accept that ‘every pot has its lid’ (as Arabian princess puts it) and that I think there is a special person for everyone. I remember a friend of ours once commenting “im glad that women took him out of the genetic gene pool because he is totally wrong, just wrong” Now this friend said that and my reply to her was “yes but its plain and simple beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he is probably a really nice guy who does not treat her like crap”… This comment from me prompted a very unimpressed look by the originator of the former comment. I went on to explain that I think there are too many times when we as people put so many conditions on what a partner should look like, should act, etc to the point that it becomes unrealistic. I think there is a difference between KNOWING what you want, KNOWING the things that work for your and do not work for you and writing out a Santa’s Wish that just like a letter to Santa wont get answered because there is no one there that fulfils it.

 

In some cultures your parents choose who you will marry. There is a circle of would-be candidates and you may get a choice of 2 from that circle and no where else. Your boundaries have been defined, your Santa’s letter has been pre-written and pre-fulfilled. That’s it you get to choose either from whats behind Door number 1 or the Mystery Box…and the thing with this is that no matter you end up choosing you know the choice will be same – your parents have approved it so you are getting to choose who you want to marry… but of your parents/ families choice. Then there are cultures which I guess are more the norm for me, the western cultures where you are free to choose from whatever pig-pen, horse-barn, fishing pond or any the price is right prize pools.. you get what I mean.. there is endless choice. There is a bounty of choice and is this where we might be going wrong? There is so much choice that we don’t know what to choose for fear of missing out on something better? There are people out there that I have met that have managed to find a really great partner – seemingly a perfect partner for them..until their little hampster starts turning that wheel and the thought of “well if I can get this person…maybe I can get something better” and off they go fishing again… then complain that they cant find what they want. Is this what our society has become? The generations of too much want and too many expectations?

 

I will put myself out there now, I will bare myself to you and you can judge for yourself if what I am seeking is too much am I really one of those people I have described? I was asked the question by my friend Carla and Marie “what are you looking for? What are the traits that you think would make a guy feel right for you?” to answer this question was hard straight away because I don’t like the idea of just rattling off a list of characteristics and ideals that would make someone perfect. I am not after perfection; I am after a right fit with faults and all. I look forward finding and accepting my partner and discovering that he has traits that I find slight (annoying) endearing.  But as I was forced to spell out things I like I will put it down to a top 10.

 

Top 10 traits that I would ideally like in a partner

 

1)    Trustworthy (no cheating, no deception that kind of stuff)

2)    Fun – someone who loves spending time together and the time be fun even if we are doing nothing except eating pizza and watching a Will Ferrell movie

3)    Believes in God – very important for me as I do and would ideally want a partner who shares that belief.

4)    Family orientated – someone that like me shares my passion for family and ensuring that the relationships with immediate and extended family are kept close.

5)    Ambitious – someone that shares my dream and will work with me toward my dream of ensuring a financially secure future for our family but not one that is obsessed with money

6)    Good conversationalist – someone that can have a conversation with me and won’t sit there just listening the entire time. Someone that isn’t afraid to discuss politics, religion, and is educated enough that they wont struggle with intellectual conversation but at the same time be humble enough to be able to have conversations of nothingness that can be quite entertaining.

7)    Sexually well matched – I was slightly hesistant about putting this one in but it is important, you gotta have a good sex life – how else will get through those winter nights.

    Tall – yeah I like them tall but not too tall 6’1 at the most would be nice

 

Can I just add right here that I am struggling to define any more here..only because as ive said before I have an problems with writing down these kinds of wish lists… I think I will leave it at a top 8 for now unless I come back later and think of more things. But the ones I have outlined as one of the most important to me that I know and feel at this point in my life are things I want in a partner…..

Am I really asking for too much???? I am afraid of the answer to that… hehe

 

Dating in your mid 20s – Push Pull Men II 23, August, 2008

 

Well well well…Guess who called me today? You may have heard of this young man from previous posts and was the feature man of my first push pull men post… Mike…Mr M… Mike is the guy I met when I was away for 3 months while overseas earlier this year. To give you a little background, Mike and I had kinda kept in touch when I came back to Australia while overseas we had dated for approximately couple months, we had a bit of connection but 2-3 months back he seemed to pull back and with his lack of communication, lack of demonstration of interest, lack of contact and just not returning the affection… I figured it out for myself that ‘he was just not that into me’ and figured he was seeing someone, gut feeling that I knew I was right about… so any romantic feelings I had left for him seemed to evaporate away..we hadn’t spoken for 2 months because I pretty much stopped giving him any attention so suddenly a few days ago he contacts me saying he misses me. I thought that was the end of that chapter, I was not angry at him or anything it doesn’t upset me its actually quite funny.

 

Anyway Mike rang me today again…it would have been about 2 in the morning his time (different country).. I was quite surprised by this call, there I am thinking…ok what has happened to you that you are ringing me at 2am in the morning .. are you drunk? Who died?? He wasn’t drunk and no one was dead. He said at first that he rang to say hi…that he missed hearing my voice and had just been looking over the photos of me and him that he has been thinking about a lot of things thinking about me and ‘us’… ‘us’? hang on Mr Mike… ‘us’ had stopped a few months back.. don’t get me wrong I am not angry or upset about this, im just expressing my confusion and absolute hilarity of the situation and to the things I heard… I was quite entertained by it all…the best line of the conversation that transpired today was Mike saying:

 

“I feel that maybe any feelings you have for me have toned down and I have realized that its my fault and I want to apologise because I know its my fault that ive nearly lost you”….

 

Ummmmmmmm ya think? You ignore me and so well sorry to break it to you… but you kinda already have……

I didn’t say this to Mike so coldly I just listened…. He went on to say

 

“ive nearly lost you because ive behaved really badly towards you, I know ive not kept in touch, I know that ive not been around, I have not much else to say for myself except that im sorry”…

 

And then the big bang….

 

“I love you”…. *LONG PREGNANT PAUSE*…… “I love you susi”.

 

What in the world am I supposed to say to that???? “mmm wanna get some pizza?!”… tell me what do you say ?? ha-ha and the other thing that caught my attention was his intentional use of words like ‘nearly lost you’.

 

By this point some of you might be thinking, ‘susi spice you have been whinging about how you don’t have a man, yet now that you have one that has come back to you telling you that he loves you… shut up and take him back’…The only thing I can say is that unfortunately I do not feel it back anymore. I got tired of him pulling me towards him when it suited him then pushing me away as soon as id return any affection… so he pushed me a little too much and too often that I stayed away for good.

 

But mind you, why is it that all of sudden…out of the blue…without warning…without anything Mike decides that it is his mission to make me believe that he cares for me again?

 

So before I gave him any reply to his statement I asked “so what has brought this on?”

His reply “nothing, nothing susi..i just realize my mistakes now that’s all”..

 

Man, I didn’t know what to really say…so I didn’t really say much… im flattered but its too late…

 

I told him I cared about him and that we will always be good friends I said that there really wasn’t a need to apologise that we were not together so that he was free and not to feel guilty about anything. Mike said that he isn’t changing his mind about this and that he will wait till I am give him another opportunity…

 

My money is on the fact that in about a weeks time, the pattern will start again…. He will get over this little surge of emotion that he is feeling for whatever reason that is a complete mystery to me and I wont hear from him for a long time again.

 

Push Pull Men…curiosa and curiosa…

Dating in your mid 20s – Love by Text Message 22, August, 2008

Is anyone else as baffled by the sudden inundation of ads that promise to find you ‘your true love’ ‘the man or girl of your dreams’ just by texting your name and boy or girl to 131 555 you know those ads? There are tones of them been advertised on tv before, during and after prime time…let me tell you all the different kinds that are on offer

 

1)      Find out if your partner is cheating on you

2)    Find out if the guy you are dating is compatible with you (love calculator)

3)    Find out the first name of your true love

4)    Find out when you will meet your true love

 

Well there are others but those are the ones ive seen so far. Man what a waste of time, and the sad thing is that obviously people are using them and obviously they are making so much money that they can afford to advertise on tv at all times of the day!

 

Why on earth would anyone pay up to $6 per message to sign up to these stupid dumb useless things??? How can anyone think that if they text “Sarah BOY” to some random number and pay $4.95 that this magical mystical computer on the other side will automatically know and send you the first name of your ‘true love’??  well I guess it is true what they say.. a sucker is born every minute..

The (not very good) poet in me 22, August, 2008

My love

In love with the notion of love

However it comes however it goes

Forever in motion, and never with caution

Undoubtedly the love of angels and doves

 

In light of the spirit and in light of the night

Love survives, love strives, love arrives

Without warning, without fear at the mercy of ones heart

Love comes, love goes, loves power loves excite

Time is it mine? Is it my enemy or is it a crime?

Waiting with a flicker of anticipation

Dreaming with love, in essence, in animation

Forever in motion, never with caution

Time in not mine

Time is not mine

 

In light of the spirit and in light of the night

Love survives, love strives, love will arrive

Without warning, without tears, love comes without fears

Time is my post, time is my deliverer,

Love is near

Love without fear

Its near, its near…. Love will be here.

©

 

 

 

 

Dating in your mid 20s – Everything’s gonna be alright 18, August, 2008

Ive not ever really been a Deltra Goodrem fan. For those who don’t know who she is well she is Australia’s answer to Celine Dion. However she has this new song out that is called I Cant Break It To My Heart – the lyrics are very amazing and I think it encapsulates what so many people before us and so many more people yet to come will more than likely experience at least once in their life time. I think I would like to share the lyrics with everyone – I would sing it to you ..but you know.. don’t want to make you feel bad because you aren’t as good of a singer as me  - the lyrics are very poetic and summaries perfectly a history that is in my past. It definitely shows everyone that heart break does exist and will touch everyone’s life at least once. What I would like to contribute to this message is that life will be ok after the heart break. Life will be good the sun will shine again and you will smile and you love even better than you did before.

 

I Cant Break It To My Heart – by Deltra Goodrem

 

If its ok ill leave the bed light on

And place your water glass where it belongs

And if its alright I’ll lie awake at night

Pretending im curled up by your side

 

See im circling in these patterns

Living out of memories

I’m still a long way from accepting it

That theres just no you and me

 

Chorus:

But if I still believe you love me maybe ill survive

So I tell myself you’re coming home

Like you’ve done a million times

And if its alright ill still be loving you

‘Cause I can’t break it to my heart

 

Is it just me or did I commit a crime?

I wont believe that loving you

Is just a waste of time or was it in my head

I’m reading into things you never said

 

Cause I still don’t have the answers

To why we couldn’t work it out

I wanna think its something that I did

So I can turn it back around

 (chorus)

 

And nothing will come between us

I wanna convince myself we’re perfect

In every single way as long as I can keep

The truth away from my heart

Oh Cause I cant break it to my heart

 

I have cut out the last bits because they just repeat. But reading those lyrics… wow …. Pretty much summarizes an experience I had many years ago. I have been reluctant to write about it because I got over it, there was just so much more that happened than I can be bothered to remember and care about. I will share a bit of it with you so that those who might be going through something similar and are reading this can get some sort of hope. J

 

To cut a long story short I was 18 he was 25.I believed myself to be totally blindly inlove and had convinced myself that he was “the one”. His name (changed to protect identities) was Aden. Aden totally broke my heart. He cheated on me, not once, not twice but many times and lied and all the stuff that goes along with that. It is a long story… I put up with my father’s name calling and physical abuse a few times all because he did not want me to be dating Aden and I refused to stop because believed myself in love. My mum and sister went through a lot too at that stage. But we wont go into those details its all very boring now ha ha.

 

I fought to the very end, I went down with the ship sort of speak, I did everything I could fix what had been broken…  ive made a mention of this experience briefly in a few posts but not ever really given details.

 

Cause I still don’t have the answers

To why we couldn’t work it out

I wanna think its something that I did

So I can turn it back around

 

Couldn’t be truer – I blamed it all on me, the guy had broken MY heart and I was apologizing TO HIM! Haha can you believe how silly I was? I believed that he would come through for me in the end because I was willing to wait for him to “fix himself” as he would put it and I did try to turn it around on me, I blamed his behaviour on me and ended up in a very bad place because of that. I thought if its my fault and I change whatever it was (I had no idea wat I did wrong but still thought that it was me regardless) that caused him to continually hurt me that everything would go back to what I had dreamed it was and could be. Sometimes you just cannot accept what is happening and you fight to the death against the tsunami of hopelessness that comes upon you that tries to beat you down and drown you in pain, regret, anger at not been able to change history, the dispossession of your own self sovereignty and the loss of your dream. We must be very careful about knowing the difference between been in love with the person and been in love with the idealized version of that person we believe them to be or we want them to be. I spent at least 3 years crying myself to sleep every night (no exaggeration man I started to suffer from chest pains from the pain and the crying) because of his continual behaviours… however … my biggest mistake was forgiving him each and every time believing that if I loved him just that little bit more each time, he wouldn’t do it again. He would cry to me beg me to forgive him and it became a horrible cycle of me feeling guilty, of me feeling worthless and ugly and that everything was my fault and him doing the things he did. I took it all on. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS PIT PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME…. UNBEARABLE PAIN IS NOT PART OF THE DEAL. MEN OR WOMEN LIKE THIS ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME AND DO NOT DESERVE YOU. WALK AWAY FROM THAT SINKING SHIP IF IT GOES DOWN BETTER IT GO DOWN WITHOUT YOU.

 

 There are three people that can attests to this story because they were right there seeing it all unfold before them; my best friend Arabian Princess who I cannot imagine my life without there are not enough words to describe the great friend I have in her, my ex boyfriend Mr K … and in particular my awesome dear friend Alex – Alex well he was there pretty much every day be it via phone or email or msn messenger (cause I pretty much hermitted – I just invented this word from the word hermit – myself from the word at that stage), he heard my tears, he felt my pain saw it all crumble and was one of these main players in the rebuilding of the now very strong, very proud, very happy and increasingly confident Susi Spice that never seems to be without a smile and whom still is the one of the biggest believers that real love is possible, that it does exist and that it will happen.

 

It took a long time to get to the place I am now. But I did come through it and im proud of that. God who provided the strength to over come it all, Arabian Princess, Alex and my ex boyfriend (NOT Aden im talking about the last one Mr K) all played an enormous part in the person I am now. Even though I don’t have any contact with my ex Mr K, I do admit that he was an amazing friend before we became involved and despite the fact we didn’t work out, I don’t think he was a bad person – he chose not to continue a friendship of any kind that we had after we broke up because his new girlfriend was uncomfortable with me been in his life and well he deserved to be happy with someone that would love him the way he deserved and I deserve someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved.

 

Well, life isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. There will always be ups and downs and you will be hit for six at times. But I think that I am glad I held on to my faith through those times, faith that God will hear you when you cry out for his help, faith that you are strong enough to live another day, faith that you will learn to love again and faith that everything will be ok no matter what. The human heart has the resilience that one cannot even yet truly appreciate and if you are strong and do not let the problems of life and relationships get you down you will always survive you will always be ok.

 

I think that because of this particular experience and the things (many of which ive omitted) that happened I know that I can love in an amazing capacity with self respect, dignity and love more than ever before. And I am excited at the prospect of the good things yet to come….

Dating in your mid 20’s – Concerned for Australian Men 17, August, 2008

I have become a little concerned about the state of Australian men… and you know what about?… Erection problems. My friends and I had noticed this a little while back but last night is when it really hit home.

 

We had noticed that suddenly ads on tv started to be aired late at night about erectile problems and a clinic to call that would help solve all your erectile issues. The ad had these two fairly young men (looked like they were late 30’s and 40s) who were at a piano recital… they walked to the piano dropped their pants held their arms straight up in the air and started to play a duet on the piano then people cheered for them….and it said something along the lines of “if you suffer from erectile problems call 1800 345 678” ..

Suddenly this ad started to be shown during prime time shows…

Then you started hearing ads on radio…. “do you want longer lasting sex? If you do call blah blah blah”

 

I was reading some new magazines at the Drs office and those that people place in my work place lunch room and bang there they were more ads about men who suffer erectile problems “Can get an erection? Arriving too early? Need help? Don’t be afraid.. We can Help” and full featured article on Viagra… Open up the newspaper and I see this ad from a university that is currently studying erectile problems “if you are between 18-55 years old and are unable to sustain an erection or arrive too early and would like to participate in a clinical study please contact….”

 

Last night was driving back from a friend’s house after her 3^rd baby shower (she obviously has a husband who doesn’t suffer from erective problems) and on this main road my attention is suddenly stolen and I look up the biggest bill board ive seen in a long time, im talking USA size type billboard which generally are HUGE, it’s a bright canary yellow billoard with the ginormous writing… SEX and above that in slightly smaller writing it read “Do you want longer lasting” and in smaller writing beneath had something like “don’t suffer from erection problems call blah blah blah”

 

That’s it man that’s the final straw I had to write about this…. Is this what I have to look forward to??? Men of all ages –  from what I can gather –  far too many men who are too young are suffering from erection problems… what is wrong with these men?? Is it their diet? Is it McDonalds fault?? Do they not eat a healthy enough diet?? Are they masturbating themselves into a universe of permanent flaccidness?? Is this natural selection in action right before our eyes?? I am gobsmacked I tell ya.. everywhere I look men are been offered Viagra and other concoctions, potions and lotions to help them even last longer than 5 minutes….. very very concerning…

 

Should I just stock up on sex toys?

 

Aussie men what is wrong with you?? Whats becoming of you??

 

 

Dating in your mid 20’s – Push Pull men 17, August, 2008

 

I hate the push and pull men. They push you away then out of the blue they want to pull you in. I really really dislike it how guys are so complicated. The only thing I can do is just roll my eyes.

Can someone please explain to me why men tend to gravitate to us when we ignore them? Why? Its almost like you cant show any kind of interest of affection because that’s when they run a mile away … the second you ignore them, the second you no longer give a crap about them and they know it .. that’s the moment that they decide they want you and that you mean everything to them. Is it just the thrill of the chase? Is it the idea of someone else now wants to play with the toy and they suddenly realize…hang on I wanna play with that toy now give it to me…

 

It really annoys me…

 

I went overseas for 3 months last year and met a guy there… yup you’ve prob read about him before… Mike. Mike and I had a bit of a connection and well we had kept in touch however my gut feeling told me a few months back that he was seeing someone but didn’t want to tell me. So I said to him that it was fine if he was seeing someone that it didn’t matter .. but he kept denying it. Anyway because of that I backed off, I got over him as communication became sparse and I stopped paying much attention. Suddenly out of now where Mike decides that ive been ignoring him and all of the sudden im “my precious princess”… wtf!? Where does this come from? Haven’t really spoken to you for like 2 months no replies to emails prior to that, never answered his phone and suddenly send me messages that say “hey beautiful going crazy without you, when you coming back” and “hey my precious princess you have no idea how much I miss you, have you forgotten about me already? I Miss us, miss you, miss your voice, specially love hearing you first thing in the morning you sound so good really really missing you please return my calls soon” … hello?  WTF!?? Where did this come from??? I guess the girl that he was seeing must have dumped him and is that slump phase where any attention is good attention and suddenly thinks im going to be the one to heal his heart. Well I don’t think so. So I took my time in replying to him and when I finally did, he is been completely amorous and cannot even tell you the lovingness coming from him… the more I stay away from him the more desirable I seem to become. But he is too late, he ignored me and didn’t communicate with me for a long time and so I lost interest…. In this particular case distance did not make the heart grow fonder but lack communication definitely lost me.

 

But I do wonder what is it that makes men tick?  Do men have a gene driven command unit that keeps them in a perpetual state of only child syndrome? Whereby you want what isn’t yours for the mere you want it and you don’t like that you don’t have it?

I put any money on it that if were to return the affection he seems to be attempting to shower me with he would suddenly have lost interest and I would no longer be so desirable to him. Ehhhh whatever.  

Dating in your mid 20’s -The questions answered IV 15, August, 2008

Q: Should I date someone I work with?

 

A: This is a mine field people… Looking at it pragmatically, rationally and logically the answer is no. However there are differing points on view on this. Lets look at the pros and cons and you can come to your own conclusion.

 

Pros:

i)                    You will see the person frequently around your office

ii)                   You get to have lunch with them frequently

iii)                 You have someone that has your back in the office

iv)                 For those who have a jealous streak – might be reassuring that you can see they are not fooling around with anyone else in the office

v)                  You can car pool

vi)                 Things can happen after work hours in the office without getting caught…..

vii)               They can share your stories and gossip and know exactly what you are talking about.

viii)              With spending more time together to get to know each others strengths and weaknesses

ix)                 You are always with the person

 

Cons:

i)                    You will get sick of living in each others pockets

ii)                   They will always know what you are doing

iii)                 You will have very little to talk about outside of the office because your stories are their stories – you will often hear or say “yes I know this story I was there remember?”

iv)                 As you are no longer just dealing on a professional level the lines of intimacy are blurred and small office disagreements can spill into the relationship

v)                  As a result of iv) resentment and contempt can build up

vi)                 If/when you break up it will be very uncomfortable and awkward depending on how bad the break up is it will affect your work life and that is NOT GOOD

vii)               You could get fired

viii)              Your work colleagues could get sick of you been the lovey dovey couple in the office and become the hated couple in the office

ix)                 If he or she is your boss then you are completely screwed because should the break up be your fault or not more than likely its YOU that will have to find another job if it goes really bad

x)                  EVERYONE in the office will know your business and talk about you both ALWAYS

xi)                 You will be scrutinised by your bosses more because you have an inter office romance

xii)               Any mistakes that happen at work will be blamed on your relationship and its inappropriateness

xiii)              You could be accused of not been professional as you are involving work and play

xiv)             Should your partner do a little harmless flirting with anyone else in the office it will cause jealousy and animosity amongst anyone that comes into contact with you and your partner

xv)               Any fights that went on in the office will ruin your sex life!

xvi)             Problems and issues arising from an inter office romance could follow you to another work place…infamy at work could follow… word spreads like wild fire!

 

Well I could go on but ill leave it at that. So as you can see pros and cons of dating someone you work with. Depends on how much you care about your job and career prospects. It doesn’t always turn into a bad that but its more than often that it does.

 

Q: Should I date someone older than me?

 

A: Why does age matter? I think it’s more about the personalities and the maturity of both parties. I would question an age difference of say a 20 yr old with a 60 or 70 year old but if it’s only a few years and it doesn’t cause a problem. You both love each others company and get along famously then there shouldn’t be a problem. There is a problem however when you are dating someone who is so much older than you and that everyone assumes they are your grandparent or they feel so out of place in your social circle… or vice versa you are so young that you feel out of place in their social circle. Not all men can be Hugh Hefner! And not all women are Demi Moore.

 

Q: What should I order for dinner on a dinner date?

 

A: Eat what you feel like! Don’t go for a salad just because you think a guy will think bad of you for order the bigger piece of steak. Just remember to always watch your weight in general and you can enjoy some indulgences when going out. I had a friend named Damon who was going on this blind date that his work colleague had set him up on. She had told him that she had a really wonderful girl for him it was her neighbour’s daughter that she was lovely etc. So he reluctantly agreed to go and meet with this girl. He arrived near the café 10 minutes earlier than the agreed time.. he then proceeded to give me a call;

 

“hey Sus how are you? I just got to the café, I don’t think she has arrived yet … well I sincerely hope that she hasn’t because the only woman sitting outside of this café is someone wearing these tatty old thongs (sandles shoes), small tight shorts, a singlet top and she looks about oh I don’t know… 300KG and I think she has unintentional dreadies (hair not washed for months) and she is smoking”.

 

I tried to alleviate his fears and said to him that it probably wasn’t her because knowing she was meeting someone for the first time surely a person wouldn’t dress like that and that his work colleague knew that he was very particular about the way his women had to look like that she wouldn’t do that to him. So he decided to do the old ring-them-first-and-see-if-the-suspect-answers trick… he hung up from me and rang the blind date.

 

2 seconds later I get a call from Damon;

 

“F*&K me Susi… its her the (insert very bad name calling) woman at the café, its her. holy sh**!!”

 

Damon was quite dismayed at the prospect but I convinced him that it would not be very polite and it would certainly only emphasise his superficialness even more if he were to stand her up. So he agreed to behave in a gentlemen like manner and went ahead to meet his date.

 

I get a call about 40 minutes later;

 

Damon: “Susi my dear Susi… the date is over… I am dumbfounded shocked worst date ever”

Susi Spice: “ok.. well what happened?”

Damon: “I offered to buy her a coffee and cake. We received our coffees.. I had taken one sip of the cup and had put it down when I looked up and she had already skulled the entire cup in one go… how she did it with that hot coffee I don’t know.. but she did”

Susi Spice: “Really? Hmm that is strange.. ok what else?”

Damon: “the cake arrived… I think the woman was raised by wolves or pigs or something because she ate the entire piece of cake”

Susi Spice: “So wat if she ate the entire piece of cake? Ive eaten whole pieces of cake before you’ve never said anything to me about that are you just been mean now?”

Damon: “Ohh Nooooo you don’t understand, see when we have gone out for coffee and cake you eat the cake, with a fork and you take one piece chew it swallow.. you might wait a while then have another bite etc until its finished and in between we have a good conversation… well this girl out did them all..”

Susi Spice: “I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

Damon: “let me paint the picture for you… the cake was set down on the table, she picked it up with 3 fingers…she then proceeded to open her mouth and accommodate, squish and shove the ENTIRE piece of cake into her mouth at the ONE TIME…. When the entire cake was shoved into her mouth and it filled every nook and cranny of that mouth… she took the glass of water that we had been served and somehow managed to fit the water into her mouth full of cake… and then chewed only a few times then swallowed…. Susi…. I was scared…. ”

Susi Spice: “Bloody hell I cannot believe it…”

Damon: “but theres more… she swallowed and ordered another cake and coffee… needless to say I don’t think I want to eat ever again..”

 

Moral of the story is eat what you want, just don’t be like Damon’s blind date!

 

Mothers cant live with them cant live without them 14, August, 2008

I love my mum, despite her many faults I love her. In hindsight we find her quite entertaining but when you are living those precious moments with her it is not so comical.. infact its quite frustrating.

 

All mothers are like this at some point in time, some more than others. Today I experienced one of those hilariously frustrating moments. My mum was advised that a particular appointment had been rescheduled, so there we were with the nurse advising us that one of her appointments had been rescheduled it kinda went like this:

 

Mrs (Susi Spice mum): Susi Spice the nurse wants to tell you that my appointment for next week has been rescheduled.

Susi Spice: Ok no prob

Nurse: Hi, we are going to have reschedule your mums appointment from the 19^th to the 21^st.

Susi Spice: ok no prob, thanks for letting me know.

Mrs mum: So I am coming in on 19^th correct? Susi check with the nurse I have two appointments.

Susi Spice: No, you don’t, its been changed to the 21^st.

Nurse: Yes so your appointment is on the 21^st now not the 19^th ok?

Mrs Mum: Yes 19^th and 21^st .

Nurse: No just 21^st

Susi Spice: Mum not the 19^th anymore, it is now changed to 21^st

Mrs Mum: Ok 21^st

(few moments of pleasant conversation)

Mrs mum: Excuse me nurse, what time do I come in on the 19^th ?

Susi Spice: *Grr* *roll eyes* but I say nothing

Nurse: Mrs mum its on 21^st you don’t have to worry about the 19^th

Mrs mum: ahhhh ok yeah ok so I come on the 21^st

Nurse and Susi Spice *breathing sigh of relief*: Yes only on the 21^st

(leave)

(walking pleasantly to the car)

Mrs mum: You know that nurse didn’t tell us what time on the 19^th………… *look of concern*

Susi Spice: *CALM BLUE OCEAN CALM BLUE OCEAN…. DEEP BREATHS DEEP BREATHS…. SERENITY NOW SERENITY NOW*

 

Kinda reminds me of that episode on the Simpson’s when they get put into the witness protection program and they are training Homer with his new surname

“Hello Mr Thompson”

“I think hes talking to you…”

haha simpsons fans will know what I mean!

 

I love my mum, she makes me laugh but sometimes its laughter through frustrated tears….

Dating in you mid 20’s-marketing and product position 13, August, 2008

For years there has been a debate amongst my group of friends on the topic of how to attract men/women. Amongst my acquaintances and friends there is a split divide between those who believe that its all about marketing and product positioning whereas the other lot believe that you should be just as you are when its right it will happen.

 

Now let me explain these two concepts to you. Firstly the concept of marketing and product positioning; this consists of many aspects, hair, makeup, clothes, shoes, places to be seen, its all about what looks good on the outside for your target market. If you are wanting attract a certain type of man then the theory is that you do what any great marketing consultant would do… dress your product to your target audience…. So by this theory if you meet a guy who is really sporty, dresses sporty then you should be dressing to what his eyes will focus on. Kinda like what McDonalds do on their ads, ensure that they are seen at the right place at the right time eg on every convenient corner and their ads run just before, during and after the average meal times so that they get you just as you start to think about what you might wanna eat, when you are hungry and really wanna eat and at times when you would be starving if you have missed your regular time dinner.  Their meals always look like they have been made fresh and it looks hot, juicy and inviting. Or the way that supermarkets cleverly place the chocolates, bags of chips (potato crisps) and lollies (candy) right at the checkouts so that you give in to your impulse buying… its like they are saying “I know you come here often…so buy me… you know you want… its just one little itsy bitsy chocolate…. No one will know, itll be our little secret” u get my point?

 

Then there is the other theory of just be how you are and when its right itll happen. I tend to prescribe to this theory a little more myself, but ill get into my own opinion a little later. The theory of ‘just be’ says that if you dress casually, or you are sporty by nature or even a complete Barney (from the Simpsons) you shouldn’t change one single little thing about you at all in order to attract a person you like. So if you can imagine its like you are wanting to buy a new shirt, you walk into a store no one has fitted it out, things are still in boxes, things are where they were originally placed and its very much a take it or leave it store. If you find something you like well then you might buy it but you don’t know if you will find it because there is no order but its just the way it is its not going to change for you.

 

Now I dress up for work and get all dolled up when going out somewhere nice or to a club etc but if I am going hanging at my friends house and all we are doing is walking for 10 minutes to pick up dinner then going back to their apartment/house to eat and watch tv then I will not bother with make up and high heels, im not going to put on my best for that. Now I have been told that I should dress up ALWAYS “Because you never know who you might meet”. I understand this, however, I just think I have much better things to do than worry about who I might meet walking for 10mins to just pick up dinner. I can understand the point of view that one should present oneself very well at work etc and it is a good thing. Clothes do makes the man as they say right? Or woman as the case may be.

But can I be bothered to buy into the whole marketing and product position just to get a guy?? Should anyone make that their focus?? The answer is NO. NO no NO no NO! no.

I think that a person should present themselves in the best way they can, if that means you are a dready, reggae listening music playing dude then present yourself as the best damn dready reggae loving music playing dude!

 

The problem with the whole marketing yourself and positioning yourself to appeal to a particular guy (or girl) then its all fake! Why do you think the phrase ‘Buyers remorse’ became so popular?? It was because people got sucked in by things that looked good, that promised everything and delivered little. Why do you think that there are laws that state that should you buy a product that does not meet up to its promises, does not do what it says it does that you are entitled to a refund? Because marketing and product positioning does work… if you dress yourself up like hoochie you will attract yourself a pimp! You may not be a hoochie… but as they say you walk like a duck, you sound like a duck, you dress like a duck then you iz a duck! You will get a duck!…. this might be the worst analogy ive ever used ha-ha but im tired and I just wanna get these thoughts outta my head before I fall asleep. But you get my point.

 

I like to think that maybe I have a somewhat balanced point of view, where you can dress up and be expressive of who you are and be comfortable in your own skin so that no matter what you are wearing you shines through the most because you are not worried about what you look like on the outside you know? Dress to feel good! Dress to be confident, confidence radiates and that is what gets peoples attention and allows them to really see the real you.

 

That’s my 2 cents… thank you and good night…

 

 

 

 

 

Dating in your mid 20’s – The Things I Like 11, August, 2008

I am just sitting here thinking about the things I like. Im listing them in no particular order.

 

The Things I like a Guy to do on a First Date:

 

1)      Be himself– that way one can decide if this is a person is someone you really are attracted to or not. If you pretend to be something you are not then it won’t work out anyway. I am always me, even as you read me I am being me, I am writing the way I would speaking to you face to face.

2)      Be a true gentleman – opening doors, pulling out the chair, been attentive in general – I don’t care what you have heard from those men-bashing feminists of old I like a man to treat me kindly and do those nice things, I know I can do them for myself but I would be treating him just as attentively so I would like it back.

3)      Be talkative – I have been told that I can talk a lot and that’s because I get excited and happy when I meet new people, I like good conversation and if you talk to me I will talk to you. If you don’t talk at all and I do all the talking im going to get seriously bored of hearing my own voice. I hate uncomfortable silences.

4)      Be creative – it doesn’t always have to be dinner how about something fun? Like going to lunch by the ocean and then taking one of those speed boat cruises where they do all sorts of tricks on the ocean and you get seriously wet from the twists and turns… thrills and spills! Soo you get a little wet? Bring a towel and a change of clothes you are all set!

5)      Pay for the meal etc seriously we are worth it – ok I am worth it – always will be.

6)      Don’t talk about sports the entire time, oh my gosh, I will fall asleep particularly if its football or cricket.

 

 

Things I like to do on a first date:

 

1)      I am, by nature, a very nuturing and caring person – so I will always be attentive to my date.

2)      I will be me; if you don’t like it well then so be it it wasn’t meant to be then.

3)      I like making sure that if I am the one deciding on where to go or something to do that it’s something that both will enjoy.

4)      You will always get good conversation out of me – usually you will be laughing. Unless I am bored sh*tless then im quiet as a mouse and struggle to even come up with an open ended question.

5)      I won’t talk about my latest shopping expedition and how cute the shoes were that I bought the entire time even I would bore myself if I did that.

6)      If there is chemistry then yeah I am not adverse to discussing a second date.

 

 

Things I like in a Boyfriend:.

 

1)      Trustworthy

2)    I love affection – I am a very affectionate person, I am not scared of been affectionate in public and I will admit I have a problem about a guy who cannot show affection in public. I don’t mean have sex in the middle of the street or anything over the top but if he wont even hold my hand in public then *Houston we have a problem*

3)      Who is understanding

4)      Who is accepting     

5)      To be my best friend – by this I mean someone who I can talk to about everything and anything. Someone that can talk to me about everything and whom I can share my comic strip bubble thoughts the second they come to me to the deep secrets that lurk beneath..haha.

6)      To be a sharing generous person – I am a sharer and I am generous so I would expect the same treatment back.

7)      Cheeky and witty – I like cheeky and witty I think because I am that way too I like it in me and I like it in other people.

Dating in your mid 20’s – Unlikely Types and the Blind Date update 11, August, 2008

Women like men can have bouts of low self-confidence. I wont deny it, that I have my moments as well, I had developed a slight confidence issue after my first serious boyfriend cheated on me…. numerous times with is ex and other girl friends and due to my youth (I was 18-21 years old) and inexperience kept on forgiving (sooooooo never ever doing that again). Then I realised that it wasn’t me, it was him and ever since then its been on the up and up. Realised my self worth and don’t intend on looking back etc.

 

Anyway, Saturday night went to my friend’s birthday get together. We went to the casino bars (the classy one not the scungy one) to have a drink together we all got dressed up, we girls were looking pretty hot if I may say so myself. We were getting a bit of attention which is always very flattering.

 

However, upon reflection we had a few smiles, and a lot of stares but what I observed to my friends is that the men that actually came up to us that night and talked to us were the unlikely types. Now what are the unlikely types? Usually, because of hollywood, you might think 007 or some suave amazingly hot guy u know? But these guys were sooooooo the unlikely type… they were, what we callously endearingly call bogans (AKA redneck/hillbilly/knee slapping yokle – you think im been mean? Come on you all do it! I know you do! You holier than thou people ha ha). My friend Sarai is Arabic and muslim but she isn’t your typical hijabi wearing muslim chick and she was a little concerned about been seen by other Arabic/muslim people who would immediately identify her as an Arabic chick, so I came up with a plan that whenever we were anywhere near her people that I would immediately commence speaking Spanish to her so that they would then come to the conclusion that she wasn’t Arabic and that she wasn’t muslim he-he. It worked magnificently. We then decided to use this plan in the event of extremely unwanted attention… we didn’t really use it until these two super bogan guys got in our way as we were walking trying to chat us up… I very politely smiled at them and started speaking to them in Spanish saying “sorry I don’t speak English sorry have a good night”.. well it kinda backfired on us… it didn’t detract them, it only made them more interested haha… will have to learn another type of language that isn’t so sexy ha-ha.

 

It made me think about how people often comment on celebrities for example and how some amazingly gorgeous model like Heidi Klum ends up with a man that (physically) looks the way Seal does. I mean Seal is really not a very physically attractive man, but I put money on it that he has an amazing personality, is probably a lot of fun and an extremely confident man and that is why Heidi Klum – supermodel and one of my favourite Victoria Secret models is with Seal. He probably was the unlikely guy that went up to her with confidence introduced himself and got the girl of his dreams.

 

DISCLOSURE: I must with all sincerity and honesty place this disclosure here before I go on my post. Please please please by no means think that I believe myself to be of the calibre of Heidi Klum or the like I am definitely not saying that. Noooooo that is not what I am saying, I must strenuously and vehemently stress to you that I am merely stating the type of unlikely people who have amazing confidence that is actually a really positive thing. Just so you understand and hopefully I will ensure to communicate this in the best possible way.

 

I am actually shyer than I am confident in reality, trust me. So what I am writing is also a bit of a pep talk to myself as well. There are so many other examples that I can give you about the unlikely types… Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman, Beyonce and Jay-Z and French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni – Sarkozy to name a few.

 

It is so true though, confidence in men and women is a huge turn on. I know for me it does make the person stand out.

 

Now, despite that I may have written about the bogans in not such a nice way I was not a biatch to them I didn’t make them feel bad about themselves we just used a smart method to extricate ourselves from the proceedings…my point that I was (very slowly) getting to was that I actually admire people who couldn’t give a toss whether they got rejected or not. I think it’s a great quality to have to be confident in yourself that no matter what you wont let anyone put you down and you wont allow situations or other people make you feel less than you are.

 

Well just a brief update about Mr Bore that I went on a blind date with. I saw my friend Stephen – who set us up on – Saturday night and we discussed the events of said blind date. It was quite a laugh-filled conversation about how badly it had gone. Stephen apologised and said he didn’t think his friend would have been so badly behaved but that Mr Bore had actually told him that he thought I was very pretty, he thought I had been really nice and friendly and that he did like me I seemed cool etc… but that he sensed that I was not into him.. really? ya think!?… I told Stephen that his friend seemed like a nice guy as a person as friend but just not anything more on my end of things. And that’s the end of that chapter!

 

And the journey continues…..

8, August, 2008

The Olympics are here!!!!

 

Ohhhhhh the Aussies loved you guys!!!!!! Yay!!!! Our uniforms weren’t stupid this time!!!!

Yaaayyyyyyyyyyyy for El Salvador the other half of me!!! Wooohoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Also in blue!!!!!!!

Australia! woooooooo hooooooooooo

Sooooooo very very proud

 

How awesome was that opening ceremony!?? My favourite bit I must say was the very beginning with the table drums and the lights, then that amazing well calculated count down. Very well done. Very impressive!

 

My friend Arabian Princess and I were sms’ing each other throughout the entire time commening in almost all of the countries coming through.

I mean how could we not?

Amongst some of those athletes.. the eyebrow of one of the men! …. Agro is human people and he is in China competing! (Agro was a hand puppet when my generation were knee high to a grass hopper…he had a massive monobrow and a big mouth).

 

Who dressed the French team!? The Americans??? (no offence ToddD! Hehe ur cool with me) My gosh… it was terrible, I guess the French atheletes aren’t into keeping up the fashion reputation.

 

And talk about a sale of white and beige fabric, I should have bought stocks.

 

My friend and I were agreeing that one thing we love about the Olympics and the Commonwealth games is that you are exposed to so many countries that you never heard of!

 

I didn’t know that Nauru was a country; I thought we (Australia) owned it … Arabian Princess didn’t know that in Nauru there was anything else besides detention centres.

 

We also agreed that the flag bearer of Saudi should do a walk all on his own just one more time… not because we wanna perve on him or anything ….. what do you think we are?

 

I noticed that the Chinese men’s swim team decided to wear pants and a jacket, I think they must have all got a discount at the hair dressers for a bulk cut… they all had the same short front and back hair cut!…they are looking pretty buff I must say oh so masculine… hang on, im been told that I am incorrect… im sorry.. my producer is telling me that that infact it is not the men’s swim team it’s the Chinese women’s swim team…. Well …. Huh…….

 

Moving on… I think the Germans had a financial budget blow out… they couldn’t afford hats, so they cut up the basketball teams balls and used them as hats… after all its not like the german basketball team needs basketballs.

I am so glad I watched the Olympic ceremony on my own… I probably would have annoyed the living day lights out of anyone next to me … I kept repeating everything the French broadcaster was saying. I am practicing my French people! Im trying to be fluent in one year!