‘First Comes the Marriage’ my review and experiment 23, October, 2008

A little while ago I wrote a brief note about how I felt about my friend Peter. Well the other day I went on this coffee date with a different guy and on my party it resulted in my feeling of just been friends with the coffee date. Last night I was on msn chatting with my friend Peter and he was asking me what I had been up to. For some reason he has an uncanny sense when i am hiding things from him…(I’m not a great liar haha)  I had told him ‘’haven’t been up to much, went out for coffee with a friend and  just working’’…

so he replies ‘’coffee with a friend huh? Just a friend?’’

me: ‘’yup so how are you?’’

him: ‘’im good, so was this a date?’’

me: *thinking i prob shouldn’t say anything i don’t want to maybe ruin anything* ‘’oh stop it, it was just coffee’’

him: ‘’hehe right’’

me: ‘’wat? Wat is so funny?’’

him: ‘’ nothing i felt like saying hehe. so did you like this guy? Come on don’t lie to me i know it was a date’’

me: ‘’ok, fine, yes it was but nothing came of it, it aint happening’’

him: ‘’ yeh ok…’’

 

and i know it doesn’t seem much but in the context of how we communicate normally he would always sign off with winks and kisses and always been out right flirty…but that conversation he ended it with just a simple ‘’night’’ and that was it. I could sense he just kinda changed  a bit… it prob means nothing i suppose i could be reading way too much into things i know that its me that is clear on my attraction but I have no idea if it works both ways… oh well….. cant do or say anything about it because there is nothing there to talk about really… anyway i was been introspective today thinking about how I am and my life things like that.. i decided to not focus on stuff and go on to read the daily news…

 

Found an interesting opinion regarding a new book that is out called ‘’First Comes Marriage’’ by Reva Seth. She is from Toronto and apparently completed some research on over 300 south Asian women who voluntarily spoke about their ‘arranged marriages’ and the virtues of this type of marriage. Reva seeks to propose that women think about marriage in a different light other than the Hollywood spectacle and the serendipitous fairy tales that have indoctrinated many women in a way (including myself) into the ultimate belief that there is one person out there that you will know is ‘’The One’’ that this love will be all enduring, long lasting and mutually committed. This practice of finding a suitable life partner through a form of filtering system or selection criteria is also adopted in many Arabian countries. I have seen it occur in practice with friends I have whereby the family is heavily involved in trying to find the best possible ‘’match’’ for that person. The marriage subject is to procure an itemised list of wants in a partner that they believe will ensure a workable long last marriage union. The more specific the better. Everything from looks to financial position, personality, tastes, likes and dislikes, career, everything. The family sets off on a quest to find the person that matches what they believe is suitable for their loved one. If one is found to be suitable then the process of making the union official proceeds. None of this dating for years and living together. If both parties match in all aspects then this is who your life partner will be. This is who you will cultivate your love with, this is who you will have children with and this is who you will marry and be content with.

 

There are pros and cons to this approach. I can totally appreciate and see the benefits of such a process, screw dating all those frogs, screw going through guy after guy just meeting guys who only disappoint you, there is no need for heart break after finding out the person who were totally in love with turns out to be the one who hurts you the most.  You outline your prerequisites and with the help of enthusiastic and determined family members, relatives and friends, it is found for you. Reva endeavours to suggest that it is not necessarily promoting this way of finding Mr Right to be the true right way, all she seeks to do is motivate a different way of looking at the traditional western way of partner seeking.

 

My biggest problem with following through on all this and the method used in South Asian and Arabian cultures is that it leaves me with great sadness and heaviness in my heart that all the hope of meeting someone that will love you with all their heart and that you will love and see them in that same way is taken away… Reva argues on this point saying that it can still happen and usually does, it is just that it is not necessarily in existence at the time of the marriage ceremony. That love is something that will grow with time. That the mere fact this person fulfils all your prerequisites can almost provide greater odds of longer contentment in married life because there is more to marriage than just love.

 

One of the limitations of this book is that it does focus on a small tiny sample of 300 women. I mean look at the population of Indonesia alone, 300 women who profess happy in arranged marriages is actually not even statistically significant enough to warrant the opinion that it works. Yes the divorce rate for people in arranged marriages is low, 4-5 % or less in comparison with figures such as approx 40% for UK, approx 40% for the USA and approx 41% for Australia (2007 Bureau of statistics figures). The 4-5% however, does not necessarily take into account factors such as women stuck in abusive marriages without any means or ways out. In many countries this right is either nonexistent, deeply frown upon or made so impossible that women have no options but to stay put. So in that respect I’m not sure how valid pulling out statistics is.

 

So for the sake of playing along with this theory I will create a list as per the women in the book do of the characteristics, traits, physical aspects, employment aspects, family status, education, likes and dislikes. I have never truly done this before and am doing this at the risk of been totally blemished with been one of those list women. I am doing it as part of research purely. I will do my best to come up with the best list. For this list, i think that we need to establish the purpose and hypothesis of this experiment, the limitations of this experiment, and then begin to construct the list with the nominated categories.

 

What is the purpose of my experiment? After much deliberation I think that the purpose I for this experiment for me will be to discover what is it that I ‘’think’’ is good for me, what I ‘’believe’’ are the characteristics I want in a life partner, and what are the things I ‘’think’’  will make a lifelong marriage for me. Once these are established to use these in my life for the next few months to see if there is any difference in attracting guys.

 

What is the hypothesis of my experiment?  (Have decided to be positive about this). I believe that the resultant from this experiment is that I will be clearer on what I want in a life partner. That there will have been some advanced progress in terms of knowing who I am and what I can offer them and allowed myself meet more guys and go no more dates than I have in the last 12 months.

 

What limitations of the experiment? The limitations of this experiment: 1) my own shyness 2) My life is generally very busy and do not tend to go out to pubs, bars or do a lot of entertainment things too often but will need to make great efforts to expose myself out there more 3) I do not have family that will actively go out seeking my wish list 4) I only have perhaps 3 friends at the most that will be supportive in attempting to look for guys that match my list and be supportive of my experiment.

 

THE LIST:

 

 Category 1: PHYSICAL

 

·        5’10 to 6’ tall

·        Fit preferably – I do not need bulging muscles or a perfectly sculptured body in fact im not a big fan of that, too hard muscles = painful hugs. I don’t mind a little belly but would prefer a nice built healthy looking guy. I don’t mind thin either but yes like fit with a relatively nice firm build.

·        Not hairy – cant do chubakkas

·        Eye colour and hair colour no preference

·        No webbed hands or feet

·        Not bald/balding preferably but wont discriminate

·        No ugly toes like giant tomato shaped big toes or weird big-toe-looking thumbs

·        No skin conditions like cold sores or contagious skin ailments or warts

·        Nice teeth

(man this was hard to think of haha…. not sure if i need to consider other things.. ill try if not ill move on to the next category)

·        How could i almost forget… no cankles (you know what i mean – there are people who have no defined ankles or calves and it just becomes one big cankle)

·        No loss of limbs

·        (you will all laugh at me) but I prefer circumcised

·        Someone that I find attractive and that he finds me attractive – i don’t care if other people think so or not

 

Category 2: ETHNICITY

 

No real specifics in this category but would ideally really like:

 

·        Latino guy but one that has grown up in an English speaking/western country and understands both cultures and  embraces new cultures or

·        Half latin half western guy who understands both cultures and embraces new ones or

·        Western guy whether of a different cultural/ethnic background who can appreciate, love and embrace their own and new cultures

 

Category 3: EDUCATION

 

·        University educated preferable

·        College education – someone that is able to communicate well with people of all levels

 

Category 4: RELIGION

 

·        Christian preferred – but not a fundamentalist, not exclusionary, not discriminatory based on religion or faiths, not close minded

 

Category 5: PERSONALITY

 

(this has been a hard exercise people… i can tell you that writing the above 4 categories has taken me a good 2 hours to really allow myself to think specifics, this category may have things missing in the end but I just wanna get this list over and done with man! I am not enjoying been so specific… because its hard to know or to assume things.. arrghhh why am i bothering!?? Ok ok…. i said id do it so lets get it done)

 

·        Loving person – is able to demonstrate love, care and appreciation whether in public or in private. Not afraid to show affection.

·        Trustworthy – Someone that truly is honest with their feelings, promises. Does not cheat or back stab that kind of thing.

·        Respectful – Able to respect his own family, parents as this, to me, demonstrates that he will respect me and my family as I would do him and his family. Respectful as a husband and not abusive in anyway shape or form.

·        Caring person – Is able to empathise with people’s situations and willing to help wherever possible.

·        Strong family orientated – Someone that values family; their own, mine (and ours one day) who will be a strong responsible positive husband, father and role model. This is really what I admire and is a huge turn on.

·        Hardworking – A man that no matter what he chooses to do as a career whether run a business or work for a company will be hard working enough to ensure his family is well looked after and supported (as will I)

·        Calm and positively spirited – someone that does not fire up at a drop of a hat or that one has to walk on eggshells around them permanently. I really hate it when people are always angry and grumpy and negative, that you never know whether just by asking something like ‘’have you seen my keys’’ they automatically go into attacking mode and get angry at you for losing them or answer you with anger.

·        Patient – I like patient people big turn on and i really respect it and cherish this.

·        Appreciates the outdoors – someone that loves been out at the beach or on a bush walk into the mountains, or like the off the beaten track type activities, the water, the earth, likes been out in the environment.

·        Fun – eg someone that enjoys my company and I enjoy theirs even if we are just sitting at home with pizza talking about nothing or sharing dumb jokes or out on the river kayaking or travelling

·        Appreciates travel – someone I can travel with all over the world (im a passionate and avid traveller) and appreciates, understands and respects different cultures

·        Good conversationalist – someone that can go from expanding my mind and taking me to new realms and that will listen to me and allow me to do the same for him to just having a good old time laughing and joking around about our favourite tv shows

·        appreciates friendships

·        Someone who won’t think it weird that I love kid shows or cartoon series like Family Guy and Simpsons hehe would be great if he loved the same

 

(im trying to think of other stuff because the whole point of this is to be really specific… ok.. right now cant think of any more stuff…. so I will leave it here)

 

Ok well the list is complete or at least i think the list is complete… now to print it out and give it to the friends I think will be willing to string along with me on my whimsical experiment… lets see if any of this works out at all for me…

Dating and paying for love 21, October, 2008

Ahh something blog-worthy to write about people… and the topic is…. Dating Agency…

I am even so much more arrrgghhhhhhh not gonna happen! Let me just say this right now!

 

Ok… well see what happened was that a few weeks ago was that through work I began to have a bit more contact with a lawyer who works for one of my client organisations. He is cool, we got along really well, and last week on Friday, he said he would be in the city and if I wanted to catch up for coffee. So I thought, well, why not. Yesterday we met for the first time face to face… he was very nice and cool and we got along like a house on fire and I concluded that he was a cool guy to be friends with but not really my type.. i know i will sound really shallow but i couldn’t get past the fact that he reminded me of Santa Claus… and no I wasn’t about to sit on this Santa’s lap! So no its not happening of my side not going to go beyond anything other than friends with him.

 

Well, i advised my all my anxiously awaiting friends about how this coffee date went. He was a really nice guy and i would like to have him as a friend…. to which one of my questionably loving friends said… ‘’oh thats too bad L…. how about you take on my dating agency membership since i don’t need it anymore? You really should you know that we all have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a good one. Look at me, i joined the agency and a week later met my current boyfriend’’ … well to start poking at ALL the numerous holes in her argument lets begin with:

1)   she is 35 and for the 10 years i have known her (she is a lot older than I am by the way) she has been the person who has signed up to every online dating website, speed dating joint, Facebook dating connection thingo, BeBo flirting stuffs and well all kinds of interventional methods and in 10 years… well she certainly has kissed a lot of frogs and it only took 10 years for her to find what appears to be a nice guy (she met him off some facebook flirting application thingy-mijiggy) but i am not convinced!

2)   Speed – dating : well myself and another girl were blackmailed strongly encouraged to go by said 35 yr old friend and another 31 yr old… look ok honestly, it wasn’t that bad it was kinda fun. But the problem with that for me is that we signed up for the 25-35 year old session and i kid you not out of the 10 guys we had a speed date with 9 of them made the comment to me ‘’you definitely do not look 26, you do look a lot a lot younger..’’ and would continue to poke and prod me into admitting i wasn’t 26 they were all suspicious of me… its not my fault people think i look 18-22 (im actually quite proud of that) haha but still i did end up with a few matches but they didn’t end up resulting in dates.  But still i tried this.. nothing came of it and i really feel strongly against spending in excess of $90 to find love… i have a serious problem with spending money in order to find love… why does it have to be a business transation!? Love isn’t supposed to be this way..surely not… ‘’heres $90 find me a date and can i get a receipt please?’’ My 35 and 31 yr old friend have spent, goodness knows, tonnes of money on speed dating stuff too. No boyfriends.

3)   Dating websites – Im sure some of you have read one of my previous posts about how my friends created secret online profiles for me on these dating websites and that was just a horrendous experience haha i did give it a go too though…  my 35 yr old friend has been on every flirting application, dating websites and facebook flirting things known to man and 10 years didn’t result in anything.

 

Now i will make further clarifications… Yes in 10 years she came up with bubcus man! Bubcus! Nada! Nothing! No true love or romances by doing all these pay-to-find love things.  Finally she decided a month or two ago to join a dating agency, she went on a one date and even made a complaint to the dating agency that it was a horrible date and the guy was totally inadequate and wasn’t even close to her requests, a week later she decided to meet up with her now boyfriend whom she had met on some facebook flirting thing. Finally she has met a decent guy…but after 10 years man! 10 years! And in the last 4 weeks they have been dating they have already ‘’broken up’’ once.  Im sorry but this person reassuring me that doing all the things she did will get me to meet someone does not hold for me.

 

Oh my god…… is this what is has come down to!?? I THINKS NOT people!!!!! Dating Agency!??? What am i a leper!??? I do not think so infact I KNOW so. I really think it comes down to me been totally scared of guys hurting me and i know its a fault of mine, i know that previous bad relationships have left me a little shy but i am in no way shape or form down to the level of voluntarily or involuntarily participating in dating agency! No way no how!

 

And to my absolute horror…. i ring my best friend…yes i am looking at you little miss Arabian Princess….. looking for some comradely support in my absolute refusal to join a dating agency and what does she say? ‘’actually you should do it!…. think of the stories!’’.. thanks besty…. so you want me to join to give everyone a good laugh.. haha i know i would probably get good blog-worthy stories… but I would only do it if someone paid me to do it (and make it worth it) so that i could write about the experiences but otherwise no! So?? any one willing to start the bidding to finance my little adventure?? Bidding starts at $50 000!

 

I have said it before. I am not forcing myself out there anymore I am living my fun life and i will not give up on believing that love will happen when the time is right and im not pressing it or desperate about it. So LONG LIVE GOOD MEETING STORIES DOWN WITH PAYING FOR LOVE!

Working Sucks! 14, October, 2008

Today has been one of those days that i realised i just should not have gotten out of bed…

Ok maybe im been hormonal nothing extraordinarily bad has happened except that everything i touch and do turns to crap!

 

I had a big conference to convene this morning for about 2 hours… do you think i could even sound remotely non spastic for most of it?? No! I kept making all these stupid speaking mistakes saying 2008 when i meant 2009 and vice versa. Saying the right thing but the other way around… having to apologise for getting things mixed up… it was shocking shocking shocking performance!! Mind you it was my first time in that particular forum.. i am soooo much better when i am mediating… arbitrating i don’t like so much… lucky i only do an arbitrary conference once a month… i love my mediation conferences because i don’t have to be so damn fastidious about how to phrase things.. well i do.. but i am better at the mediation stuff. I found myself feeling like a bit of wally in that room today. At one point i wanted to just get up… excuse myself with “well you can all shove this job where the sun don’t shine.” Give them the finger and walk out……………… thats what i would have done if had won that $10million lotto draw last night… but nooooooooooo since i didn’t… i had to grin and bear it and move on… stupid work!

 

One day i will have my dream store (business) and not have any bosses to please.

 

Or i could take on Homer Simpsons advice “when you hate your job you don’t complain about it… just go in and do it really half assed…thats the American way!’’ … but i am not American.

dating…. falling for a guy… 10, October, 2008

Why is it that most of the time we you find someone that seems to capture your attention and you suddenly out of the blue start to really like them. You start seeing that the two of you would be quite good together in a lot of ways…. And then during a conversation they say “having a relationship right now isn’t possible because of my job” … don’t you hate that??

 

Luckily I didn’t tell my friend Peter guy how much I am starting to like him… I miss talking to him when I don’t talk to him… I am liking this guy wayyyyyyy too much and its not like we will be in each others company any time soon. He works in Switzerland now… don’t know when he will return home… he said next year, but who knows. His job and position takes him all over the world every single month. So I do understand why he doesn’t want a relationship… he did say once that he doesn’t want one because he doesn’t have the time to dedicate to it. I get that.. which is why I am not pursuing this one…he is overseas, doesnt want a relationship, he wants sex but not a relationship with anyone hehe typical but hey .. but Im still a bit down about it… so sucks man…

 

Back to the drawing board…

Dating and Renovation Guys 8, October, 2008

One thing that I have become very aware of is that there is type of guy that I definitely do not want to date… Renovation men. Renovation men are not men that actually come to your house and renovate your kitchen or bathroom… renovation men according to Susi Spice are men that need to have their whole life renovated… and they think that you are the one to do this.

 

Im sorry but ive renovated enough men and that is my contribution to society, I renovated them and then they went off to be with the great guy for someone else….

 

My best friend is right… there is a difference between men that are a little ‘broken’ and then there are men who need an entire 24 hour team of people to renovate them.

 

It is the biggest turn off, I don’t wanna be fixing guys all the time…I don’t try to fix guys and I don’t go out with guys wanting to change them… that’s the thing I don’t want a guy that needs fixing… the biggest turn off lines for me are:

 

1)    I don’t know what I wanna do

2)    I don’t know what I wanna study

3)    I don’t know what wanna work in

4)    I don’t know what I want in life

5)    I don’t know  I don’t I don’t know

 

Ughh I don’t know’s left right and centre and the it follows with:

 

1)    you are so smart, what do you think I should do?

 

Well I don’t mind helping a little…….but when it turns into a whole renovations-r-us thing I know I wont get to enjoy the end product.

 

That is why I did not pursue the Colombian guy I wrote about before… he turned out to be  one of these renovation guys.

Patrick Henry College – For Christ or Just a well constructed Republican hot house? 6, October, 2008

I was just watching a documentary over an American (USA) university/college by the name of Patrick Henry College that is situated in Purciville, Virginia (correct me if I am wrong) it is a college that predominantly enrolls and admits home schooled evangelical Christians and its mission is:

 

“To prepare Christian men and women who will lead our nation and shape our culture with timeless biblical values and fidelity to the spirit of the American founding. Educating students according to a classical liberal arts curriculum, training them with  apprenticeship methodology, the College provides academically excellent baccalaureate level higher education with a biblical view.”

 

To begin with…. SCARYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  SCARRYYY….

 

Let me explain the college is primary founded by Republicans, it teaches every class with a biblical/Christian view. Ok….i get that, given that most of its students pursue the vision of changing America into a Christian governed nation… however…. Each student signs a behavioral contract that outlines what they are not allowed to do and the core codes of conducts they will adhere to such as no drinking, no smoking, no sex before marriage, that they will hold themselves and each other accountable if these codes of conduct are broken (taddle tales).  Ok.. fine…. I get that….

 

What does scare me is that these are young men and women all aspire to the White House, to the leadership of tomorrow of the USA. What is an even scarier thought.. is that they are Republican incubates. They are essentially being sown, fertilized, grown and incubated in a nice little protected hot house until the Republican Party leaders come along and select the best grown pod, and when it is just right for the picking, they harvest this individual and prepare them to be the highly skilled work ant for the Republican Party.

 

They demonstrated a particular meeting amongst students discussing the possibilities for women, their future plans, and their thoughts on the role of women in society… it was a little too stepford-wife for my liking and it was concerning that such young men held such old, unworkable and archaic views. One young man of no more than 21 expressed his reasons for why women and men need to understand and appreciate their roles

 

Paraphrase of a students words:

‘Men and women have always had traditional roles and we need to appreciate those roles. Women in particular, in history and presently we can see the effects of having a stay at home mother.’

 

The girls that appeared in this segment did seem a little confronted by this but did not know how to best approach this from a feminist point of view… they almost appeared to give in to the submissive woman theorem not by choice but because of, and probably in fear of, popular belief.

 

Both female and male students are dedicated and committed to ensure the Christian values are thrust into the forefront of the leadership in the USA. The vehicle? The Republican party… they are seen and shown as door knocking for their Republican Governor trying to assure voter turn out and ensure they vote ‘right’, they are given special financial assistance for been part of the support crew I guess I could call it, and particular training in how to achieve this.

 

I actually do not want to come across suggesting that I am against Christian values, I am Christian myself. However, what was concerning about this report was that I fear this college is not what it appears to be… I did not see a single reference or suggestion that any students, teachers or their families had any other way of thinking but the Republican way of thinking. It left me to wonder whether a student who came out supporting Democratic ideals or who did not agree with the Republican movement would be censured or made to publicly confess their wrong doing. See in this college if any student broke the behavioural code, they are made to make a public confession of their wrong doing. I guess this is like a new twist on public floggings or those old wooden punishment chokers from the middle ages that were useful in both the humiliation of the wrong doer and used as a deterrent for the rest.

 

By the way I am neither advocating nor suggesting that the Republicans or the Democrats are right or wrong or the right or wrong party I am simply expressing an opinion.

 

In the grand tradition of conspiracy theorists I put to you that this college was not founded on the ideal, as they suggest, that its all about promotion God and Christ and Christian values in America (hence the world) but that is a very basic solution to a problem…. If you cant find any true Republicans out in the world that are willing to voluntarily commit themselves to submit themselves to the cause…make your own! Patrick Henry College is nothing but a ‘make-your-own-Republican’ breeding hot house. These kids have never left their own homes, let alone exposed themselves to the world outside their nice little middle-american house life and do not understand the impact of their decisions on anyone but themselves.

 

One very politically active student explained that he believes America needs to be led by God’s ideals and also by the right to bear arms… hmmmm let me think about this………. Christian values ei Thou Shall Not Kill and the other one…….. The right to bear arms, which kill …. Because a nation armed is a nation prepared against tyranny … this is a very Republican statement ..or at least one that ive heard been expressed on many occasions by Republicans. I  am no genius but isn’t that just a big ol’ contradiction?

 

 These kids need to step outside their parents cradle, step outside their church walls, step outside their classrooms, step outside their home towns, step outside their little idyllic bubble of what the United States of America is and see the world for what it really is. See the pain, suffering, displacement, injustice, destruction and death that is out there. They need to live a little, they do not know who they are… they do not know understand how the world really works… besides the puppetry that they are being exposed to.

 

Patrick Henry College… the breeding ground for the next generation of Republicans… hard core and gun-ho… scary scary thought…..

More funny comedy files!! 4, October, 2008

This guy is Bill Santiago…. very smart comedy .. love it!!!

 

 

Please let me introduce you to Russel Peters this guy brings me to tears

 

 

 

 

Some more funny videos I have found 4, October, 2008

I found another funny latino comic….Gabriel Iglesias.. man this guy made me laugh hehe. I Love this guy!!!! hilarious!!! Hope u enjoy!!

 

 

Funny searches from our readers… 2, October, 2008

Some funny searches from our readers:

 

From Days of Arabian Lives (see Arabian Princess on my blogroll):

 

You are gorgeous request facebook: Yeah –oooooookkkaaayyyyy?? You don’t actually request for facebook… you just register… and being gorgeous is not a prerequisite

 

I wanna go: gee… I didn’t think i was stopping you?

 

How many friends can you request on facebook: again..see the facebook help section..

 

When will he propose: please….please realise that he clearly aint gonna…google is NOT the magic 8 ball

 

I’m so sorry: hmm… what did YOU do?

 

I’m sorry im not what you want so sorry: really? Are you REALLY sorry?

 

Sc rew my wife arab: hmmm… i have no idea how to take this one

 

And even if it all falls down I know it:  i got nothing….

 

From Susi Spice blog

 

How to tell what kind of phone you have: ummmm how about reading the package BEFORE You buy it?? Or maybe you should have asked the sales person at time of purchase..

 

I can’t decide which one is the same guy: I have no idea what this means

 

Seen a guy on a train: ….and your point is???

 

People think I have a guy friend:…. yup… well… people might also think you 3 horns now that would actually be worth investigating…

 

What are you smiling about Mr Smiley pants: maybe he thinks u just look funny?

 

Can you date a stingy guy: me? No no way.. but thanks for asking

 

How to tell a man wants to keep you around: well ..if he hasn’t taken out a restraining order on you its a good sign to begin with…

 

What type of men like most attractive women:  i didn’t think this was an issue…