Randy was afraid that this video would never get to Janice… Randy… I felt how painful your video was… so I am going to share your video with the world because Janice needs to know….
Things that make you Oh Ma Gawd… Part 2 13, November, 2009
I must now introduce you to the website which has recently become my favourite laugh-a-lot pastime… its called the people of walmart… USA! USA! USA!
someone thought they'd pull some a$$ if they wore piggy ears...
"where's ma Sherman!? Sherman! Sherman! Sherman!"
Dude I know this guy!!!! Kilgore Trout is dat yoU!???? ... Oh yeah Alaska called they want their witch doctor back
oh ma gawd
peekaboo, we can unfortunately still see you
I guess the Wizard of Oz ran out of courage..but you can always find it at WalMart
So Santa doesnt live in the North Pole! he lives in Tennesee!
Mullet? Check. Stupid drinking t-shirt? Check. Proud of it? Check. Armed? Hell Yeah!
Inspiration for the movie Dazed and Confused
so your dick was dry and cracked due to exposure to the wind?I guess the GFC (global finacial crisis) got to Batman tooWow! Lets count the ways this guys has slapped every Corvette owner in the face. (1) Put a Corvette rear on his truck (2) the Corvette rear is painted 3 different colors (3) He put a spoiler on the Corvette rear….Waldo is so much easier to find when he’s out of the closet. california
Respect and Class thanks for showin us that youre an ass...
Australia and its Boat People..or FOBs… 30, October, 2009
Im taking a page out of bearman cartoon’s book and posting the following cartoon:
Australia is known as the land of the aussies…the shrimp on the barbe..crocodile Dundee and such. How did this land come to be? Boat people of course. Geez we are a forgetful bunch crying out about these new boat people coming on to our shores… how dare they huh? well…what goes around comes around…
duh…. im edumacated and larnned 29, October, 2009
I dont think anyone can see us....
We have great debates on whether Darwin’s theory of evolution is correct or not. Today I have been proven that he is WRONG. I mean seriously I often see and encounter people that seriously should be taken out of our human gene pool and the next two are certainly ones that shouldn’t reproduce at all. Matthew McNellya nd Joey Miller from the US decided to have a few drinks and one thing led to another and you know how it gets… u end up drunk and breaking and entering into someones house disguised as batman… thinking you are brilliant cause you painted your face with black PERMANENT MARKER…IDIOTS… police later found them with their face still painted with permanent black marker. They thought permanent marker meant that it never ran out of ink….
Celebrating a Massacre 27, October, 2009
Celebration usually means partying, being happy about something. Using the world in a sentence? “We here to celebrate the birthday of little baby Tommy”. To celebrate something good or great or a joyous occasion or to celebrate an anniversary… I am not too sure if using the word celebrate is a good or bad thing in the invitation below that I received from a client:
Pinjarra Katijin Inc.
Invites you to celebrate a Very important event
The 175th Anniversary of the
Massacre of Pinjarra on
Wednesday 28th October 2009
Southwest Highway, opposite the Pinjarra Cemetery
Is it just me or is it weird to use the word “celebrate” and “massacre” in the same context? Why would anyone celebrate a massacre!?
And that’s why I have another issue with “celebrating” ANZAC day! but don’t get me started.
David Letterman – A willy too far.. 7, October, 2009
Ive never thought David Letterman was funny, however, this week I find him hilarious. I can imagine him saying “Ok you got me.. i sleep with my staff… what? no not the stick kind..the human kind”.
I posted this as a comment on Bearman Cartoons as a response to his top 10 reasons to sleep with David Letterman. So here are my top 10 reasons to sleep with David Letterman:
10. Your hair wont get caught between his teeth.
9. Paul Shaffer will play a little jingle while you two crazy kids are at it
8. Obama will campaign under “Can America forgive David for this?… YES WE CAN!”
7. The cast of The Brady Bunch will be so proud. Especially Mrs Brady.
6. You will get your 15 minutes of fame as the new Bachelorette
5. Kanye West will interrupt your national tv apology claiming that he was the best one David slept with all year.
4. Beyonce will release a single called “If you liked it then you shoulda put a lid on it
3. It will make the staff at the Oprah show jealous
2. Your sugardaddies.com profile will skyrocket through the roof in popularity with all the old ugly rich men thinking they have a chance.
and the number 1 reason to sleep with David Letterman is…
He will smoke his cigar instead of……
copyright 2009 susispice.wordpress.com
oh Im sorry… you cluts! 5, October, 2009
Thank you! Thanks! Im sorry! Pardon me! Oopps excuse me!… thats me lil miss politeness. Sometimes i think im a little too polite. I have grown a backbone from the days where I wouldn’t even complain if the fries I got were moldy..i would probably just eat around the mold to save myself the embarrassment of claiming my own rights.
But the fault still remains. I was brought up with good manners: “susi spice Ju mus say sanku always. Peepol do ju a favour and ju mus say sanku. Ju are a good girl.” So from whence I was a baby I learned thank you, excuse me and please in 2 languages and was always corrected when I forgot to say it.
I have noticed that I often say thank you to people even when I am the one that has done them a favour. Today for example I was leaving my office to go buy something to eat for lunch – the fact that it was a packet of bbq rib flavoured chips is irrelevant people let’s focus on the event alright? – Deeann walks out of the elevator with her hands full with her sandwich, drink and handbag struggling to reach for her security pass to enter our office. During those precious seconds, where the elevator door was open and I could just jump in there right then and there and not wait for another 5 – 10 mins because our building elevators are operated by little green turtles who are part of a union and probably on a union sanctioned coffee break… i think… should I help her open the door or should I just jump into the elevator… I was truly torn…. help her or help myself… I breathed a defeatists sigh and ran to help her open the door then leaped like the flash to press the elevator button… the doors had closed… I thought I hadn’t made it..just as i turn around thinking here we go…settle in for a long wait.. the very same doors magically open!!!! Karma had rewarded my good manners for once! Yay!! And as I climbed into the elevator Deeann says “ahh you made it” and I reply with “thank you!!” and the doors close…. why the hell did I say thank you!???? She didn’t help me get my elevator! In fact she played a crucial role in the possibility of me NOT getting the elevator…
I do this quite often.. someone bumps into me in the shops while I am stationary minding my own business as close to the stand as possible and I apologise to them. Its a sick habit! Sick i tells ya!
I have bouts of assertiveness – there will be times where I will NOT apologise for anything I do… unfortunately often they have been times when i truly was at fault and should have apologised but the good thing is that i am growing in my assertiveness. I know I can be assertive and overcome this horrid affliction with which I suffer… I just need to ensure that I learn to control it and apply it in the right circumstances.
Internet Dating Killed Video Dating #2 24, September, 2009
They say that time changes people. Dating in its many forms allows you to find all those.. um.. special people often. My boyfriend can be a little lame. He is very smart and one of his daily joys is to entertain me with his ability to anagram almost anything that he hears or reads. He will anagram lyrics to songs in the car, read an article in a magazine and anagram a line in that article to something a little stupid and he finds it hilarious. I can see that my boy will be one of those embarrassing dads who tells those lame jokes that only he seems to find funny. I know this is a flaw of his but i love him nonetheless.
I have been through my share of dating weirdos and going out with men who seemed normal but turned out to NOT be at all. I remember my first date with this one guy who said “I am currently living with my parents, something you should probably know” “oh you are saving up for a house?” I asked hopefully, “No, I lost quite a bit of money…” then whispered bowing his head down “…and other people’s”.
So dating from 2000’s and the 80’s was not much different, in terms of the quality of men. I am sorry to be propagating the laughter of these poor guys who just want to get laid find love, but its funny come on!
Jeff – is sick of playing the field
BBQ Lou – will sell ya a car while he is at it
Husam – likes to let his groove on…
I wish they did a Where Are They Now series on these guys…
Internet Dating killed Video Dating 24, September, 2009
Ok so ive not written for a while. And for this i apologise. Some have accused me of blog abandonment just because I started dating someone and this has turned out to be such a great relationship. Happy = blog abandonment. I don’t see it this way, I see it as I had nothing more to whinge about, nor did I have any more stupid dating stories to tell and I guess I was happy enough to no longer cry or be depressed about being single.
I am lucky, its going very well. 7 months and counting! Hopefully it will keep getting better. I met my boyfriend through my dancing. We both went to the same salsa dance school and now we both are assistant dance teachers.
As you may have read in previous posts I was forced into the internet dating phenomenon, which lasted about 3 weeks and 3 horrible dates (money sucking leach, cankles man and the bogan druggy) and to which I hope I NEVER return.
It got me thinking how did people before us meet people? I interviewed 3 couples from my mum’s church who had been married for at least 30 years. I asked the following questions:
How did you meet?
Couple #1 married for 30 years: We met at dance in the town we lived in through some friends.
Couple #2 married for 40 years: We were introduced by friends, whom at the time were dating.
Couple #3 married for 50 years: We were highschool sweethearts, and never looked back.
So why is it that so many people, and I include myself in this when I was single, complain that there is never anyone good out there or least the good ones are taken. The populations have grown exponentially since the couples above met each other. Is it that too much choice makes us too choosy and therefore we always think that we can do better? Or is it that natural selection has fallen behind schedule and cant keep up with the birth rate?
Lets look history. Generally around turn of the last century people were usually set up by family’s. By the 1940’s and 50’s we even had propaganda about “going steady” and the dangers of that. Advice given publicly and in homes that people should date lots first without any commitment, find out how they felt with many different people before deciding to “go steady”. The mother’s would advise their daughters to not “make a habit of dating” with the same boy as it might drift into “going steady”. While you were not thinking marriage, you didn’t go steady with anyone. Once a young person thought of marriage then you could think about going steady to find out if they were the one. In Essentials we are still of the same frame of mind.
In the 1960’s the swinger was born. Carefree singles living in single’s complexes and attending single’s only events. Marriage was less in the minds of those dating and focus was more on having fun and enjoying singledom. Marriage was not even considered until people were 25! Imagine that! Nearly over the hill there… *note sarcasm*
And then we come to the 80’s. Ah the 80’s the era that brought us Ferris Buler’s Day Out, Caddy Shack, Cannonball Run and other classics brought us the era of video dating…….
We all Love a Wedding party 2! 1, September, 2009
As my best friend says....every pot has its lid... not much else i can say...
Yup...she makes herself look all sweet now......
but wait till after then wedding...we have all seen 'The Grudge' right?...yup thats her!
Goths wedding... hmmm isnt that contradicting what they are about??
have to admit they are good costumes..
I like the colour blue....
I guess once a goth always a goth?
um..... i think you forgot your skirts...please.... please....go get them...
omg..who died.....??
that poor woman...i guess the people in the photo above were going to her funeral?...no? what do you mean the bride???
oh... the bride and groom... in all their... deathly glory?
We All Love a Wedding! 21, August, 2009
So its been a while since ive posted. Im sorry, ive had no motivation or inspiration. I hope to get it back soon. J
But in the meantime I wanted to share some tragic wedding pictures that might give those of you searching for ideas… some food for thought…. enjoy!!
"We are going to look so cool in this pic"
"and by the power invested in me I pronounce you man and wife... you have 15 seconds to start runnin before i come-a shottin ya consarnit!"
"We is ready for combat when da muslim come"
"enjoy the day bitch cause the honeymoon is mine"
"Ofcourse i married her for her bre...breains... thats how we say brains in the south..breains... *swish that was a good save*"
"i cant believe I married the handsomest boy in school"
I think some catholic girl got pregnant and this was the only way to hide it from her minster father... "ill just tell him we are married tomorrow... or the day after his hangover... he wont know the difference..."
I iz told J'Qkwan dat we aint not having no bastard baby. Bitch we iz gettin' married Today!
"I pronounce you Bro and Ho"
how old are these ppl!? ... Watcha been smokin willis!?
"Its OK no one's looking"
Ok, laugh all you want.. but gotta give coutos for the cake... damn well made cake..
lady bugs?
The dress is actually a mermaid costume
"So baby... you and me first dance.. you iz ma woman"
Again the mermaid constume...
"the invite did say classy dress"
Let me introduce you to the Mother and Father of the bride...
Cinderella's carriage.... hired out for 60Pounds... due back by 11pm or at midnight it turns into a pumpkin
The bride... somewhere in there..
Its nice to see that the brides ideas will live on in the next generation
um.... ok....is fantasy going too far u think?
Im not drunk! Im Ethnic! 25, June, 2009
There are plenty of arguments held over this thing we call multiculturalism. A recent study allegedly found that the majority of Australians were in favour of multiculturalism but at the same time were afraid of the effects of multiculturalism would have on racial harmony if it was not managed well.
For those of you who do not know what multiculturalism is I will give you one definition as defined by the South Australian Multicultural and Ethnic Affairs Commission Act 1980, “policies and practices that recognise and respond to the ethnic diversity of the South Australia community and have as their primary objects the creation of conditions under which all groups and members of the community may:
- Live and work together harmoniously.
- Fully and effectively participate in, and employ their skills and talents for the benefit of, the economic, social and cultural life of the community.
- Maintain and give expression to their distinctive cultural heritages.
Essentially saying you have a right to express your culture, be who you are and that in you will be valued for it in the workplace and social settings also.
Now given that you understand what this is lets follow the story that appeared in one of our newspapers today:
”Bartenders fined for serving a high five”
A high five was not a drink or some sort of underground bootlegged banned alcohol. It was literally a high five. It further explains
“Ivan Pancho was confronted by an undercover police officer and frogmarched out of the …club after he high-fived a friend before ordering a blue lagoon cocktail. The two barmaids were fined, one for preparing the drink and another for serving it… A staff insider said Mr Pancho…was in no way intoxicated and was a well-known club regular who was always friendly and well behaved…
They [police] told the manager that her [police] grounds for kicking me out was that I gave someone a high-five. Come on, West Tigers were playing”
Ok so let’s link this back to the multiculturalism thing. Ivan Pancho is clearly ethnic (see picture below). Lets face it, how many ethnic people do you know who are quiet, non talkative and expressionless? I think that Ivan Pancho was probably having a great ol’ time and enjoying the football game. The man probably had a booming voice as he laughed and talked out loud and it pissed off this undercover police who’s version of shouting is barely audible by an ant. I think this police officer was getting jealous that he wasn’t paying her attention or maybe they were jealous that his team was beating her team. Yes I know that people will say, well maybe he was drunk and was out of order… well given that the staff who were there watching him say that he was NOT intoxicated and that he was NOT misbehaving or causing trouble should have been enough to NOT give the bartenders a fine and NOT kick the guy out.
Ivan Pancho
This police officer was out of order, this police officer needs to have some training in understanding other cultures and how they behave.
Us ethnics do not sit around knitting wool and drinking cups of tea and think that is a jolly good time… to us it would be the beginning of insanity.
My neighbours are two African guys and when they are home and playing on their Wii you can hear them laughing and joking around even when I have my door closed. But I know that it is how they are, it is their culture.
Other cultures will speak to each other as if they are fighting but they are not, ever been to a Greek wedding or party? Its awesome! Everyone talks, everyone laughs, and everyone dances.
Arabs – when you hear them talking to each other you would think they are constantly telling each other off, they not doing that necessarily its just culture its the expressionist in them.
The latinos – my people… come on! we are in the middle of a war zone and still manage to put on a big street party with bands and dancing plenty of food and drink no one necessarily gets trashed or drunk but people are talking and expression every emotion they feel. When we are watching football games or the world cup we are the first to be banging drunks, blowing whistles, singing at the top of our lungs in support of our team.. we are not drunk… we are just emotion crazy!
What this undercover police person needs to understand is that it is the way it is, ethnic people will express anger, sadness and happiness in loud vocal and demonstrative ways it doesn’t mean we are drunk and disorderly. If anything we should arrest you for being plain BORING!
A picture speaks a thousand words 23, June, 2009
While at uni I did study a couple of media units. They were rather interesting. They discussed different types of audiences, how to write for the various types of audiences, how to write succinctly and construct your sentences and paragraphs to make your article more readable. I may not have mastered those particular skills but one key concept and oath-like practice in news media was that of presenting facts.
We have all heard that a picture speaks a thousand words and the Bolivian television news station did just that.
The news article I came across today went like this:
A Bolivian television station has aired photographs from the television drama Lost, presenting them as images of an Air France airliner that went down in the Atlantic.
I guess that if you don’t have the real stuff… make it up!
Ma’… Tha rains is ‘ere! tha rains is ‘ere! 22, May, 2009
The weatherman had been telling us all week “watch out for the rain tomorrow, forecast is for showers and a possible storm later”, all week it had been nothing but blue skies, sunshine lolliepops… so of course when I awoke to glorious sunshine, crispy morning and light wind, with barely a cloud in the sky I thought… “i don’t need an umbrella”
Walking through the hospital (which is my short cut to work) I see some people with umbrellas and think “well, you guys are carrying it for nothing”.
I had walked into the hospital seeing sunshine and when I got to the other end it was pouring cats and dogs and their water bowls. Couldn’t believe it! As I stood there I wondered if I could do the Homer Simpson thing put my foot out of one side of the hospital “sunshine” the other foot out the other side “rain” “sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain!”
What annoyed me the most were the selfish bastards who had umbrellas…
Yeah you, you know im talking about you!
I stood there in my dress, waiting for the rain to dissipate… while bastard after bastard walked past with their big huge beach umbrellas that could cover a small classroom of children underneath it… did anyone offer to walk me? NO! The only consolation I had was that because these people braved the strong ghastly winds and the rain they heads may have been dry but they entire bodies were getting soaked as they walked down the street… I waited for almost half an hour… but then I saw an opportunity to get out there… I did not get wet, I had a few sprinkles on me… and when I got to my building and approached the elevators… I saw one of those selfish bastards who had SEEN me stuck at the hospital without an umbrella waiting for it. Well Mr Level 5 IT nerd… seems like you have soaked wet shoes and soaked pants… and I don’t, and without an umbrella… he looked at me, gave me a forced kind of a smile while looking down at his soaked body…..hmmm me thinks… CHECK MATE… mate…
When Your Time is up… Your Time is Up… 5, May, 2009
When your time is up, your time is up…Im quite distressed, worried, anxious and shocked….. Woman’s Day gossip magazine has just devastated me…..
“Oprah – Just Five Years to Live”
This diagnosis comes from Dr David Demko, he quoted to the magazine
“Based on her current lifestyle and genetic risk factors, Oprah can only expect to live until she is 58 or 59 years old”
The magazine article further continues –
“This shock diagnosis confirmed fears long-held by those close to Oprah, that she is far from the happy, healthy person she projects.According to Dr Demko, there are a number of positive and negative things that influence how long we live. While Oprah gains years for her charity work and spirituality, he says there are many areas she needs to address….she needs to slow down and bring more happiness into her life…”
Dr Demko is not Oprah’s physician.
http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=279779
Woah man this is serious stuff! Let me take some time to digest through this…
First preliminary thoughts
1) If I were Oprah and I read that a Dr Demko diagnosed me with only having 5 years to live i too would be concerned. I mean with all my billions of dollars that I would generate yearly surely I could live for longer than that.
My own mother who is on nightly dialysis treatment as she has no function in both kidneys has lived beyond the time she was expected to… According to Dr Demko’s analysis though my mum too needs more happiness to live longer… Drs said she would only live for maybe 6 months but its now been almost a year and half and this promise has yet to be fulfilled…. With Oprah’s money and the vast resource of kidney’s she could access if she had kidney failure she could just buy one or two or four if she wanted to… that would add another 10-40 years to her life.
2) This Dr Demko – I did indepth research into this man… PhD he did something no else has done… he has major cred here people… he is the inventor of the Death Calculator… http://www.demko.com/boom0525.htm
Well after you have edgumacated yourself and stop being such an illiteratey you might actually take into account Dr Demko’s credible diagnosis of you and Oprah! Thank you Dr Demko… I trust you as much as I trust Dr Nick….The knee bones connected to the… something..the something’s connected to my wrist watch….
