Randy was afraid that this video would never get to Janice… Randy… I felt how painful your video was… so I am going to share your video with the world because Janice needs to know….
Things that make you Oh Ma Gawd… Part 2 13, November, 2009
I must now introduce you to the website which has recently become my favourite laugh-a-lot pastime… its called the people of walmart… USA! USA! USA!
someone thought they'd pull some a$$ if they wore piggy ears...
"where's ma Sherman!? Sherman! Sherman! Sherman!"
Dude I know this guy!!!! Kilgore Trout is dat yoU!???? ... Oh yeah Alaska called they want their witch doctor back
oh ma gawd
peekaboo, we can unfortunately still see you
I guess the Wizard of Oz ran out of courage..but you can always find it at WalMart
So Santa doesnt live in the North Pole! he lives in Tennesee!
Mullet? Check. Stupid drinking t-shirt? Check. Proud of it? Check. Armed? Hell Yeah!
Inspiration for the movie Dazed and Confused
so your dick was dry and cracked due to exposure to the wind?I guess the GFC (global finacial crisis) got to Batman tooWow! Lets count the ways this guys has slapped every Corvette owner in the face. (1) Put a Corvette rear on his truck (2) the Corvette rear is painted 3 different colors (3) He put a spoiler on the Corvette rear….Waldo is so much easier to find when he’s out of the closet. california
Respect and Class thanks for showin us that youre an ass...
Internet Dating Killed Video Dating #2 24, September, 2009
They say that time changes people. Dating in its many forms allows you to find all those.. um.. special people often. My boyfriend can be a little lame. He is very smart and one of his daily joys is to entertain me with his ability to anagram almost anything that he hears or reads. He will anagram lyrics to songs in the car, read an article in a magazine and anagram a line in that article to something a little stupid and he finds it hilarious. I can see that my boy will be one of those embarrassing dads who tells those lame jokes that only he seems to find funny. I know this is a flaw of his but i love him nonetheless.
I have been through my share of dating weirdos and going out with men who seemed normal but turned out to NOT be at all. I remember my first date with this one guy who said “I am currently living with my parents, something you should probably know” “oh you are saving up for a house?” I asked hopefully, “No, I lost quite a bit of money…” then whispered bowing his head down “…and other people’s”.
So dating from 2000’s and the 80’s was not much different, in terms of the quality of men. I am sorry to be propagating the laughter of these poor guys who just want to get laid find love, but its funny come on!
Jeff – is sick of playing the field
BBQ Lou – will sell ya a car while he is at it
Husam – likes to let his groove on…
I wish they did a Where Are They Now series on these guys…
Internet Dating killed Video Dating 24, September, 2009
Ok so ive not written for a while. And for this i apologise. Some have accused me of blog abandonment just because I started dating someone and this has turned out to be such a great relationship. Happy = blog abandonment. I don’t see it this way, I see it as I had nothing more to whinge about, nor did I have any more stupid dating stories to tell and I guess I was happy enough to no longer cry or be depressed about being single.
I am lucky, its going very well. 7 months and counting! Hopefully it will keep getting better. I met my boyfriend through my dancing. We both went to the same salsa dance school and now we both are assistant dance teachers.
As you may have read in previous posts I was forced into the internet dating phenomenon, which lasted about 3 weeks and 3 horrible dates (money sucking leach, cankles man and the bogan druggy) and to which I hope I NEVER return.
It got me thinking how did people before us meet people? I interviewed 3 couples from my mum’s church who had been married for at least 30 years. I asked the following questions:
How did you meet?
Couple #1 married for 30 years: We met at dance in the town we lived in through some friends.
Couple #2 married for 40 years: We were introduced by friends, whom at the time were dating.
Couple #3 married for 50 years: We were highschool sweethearts, and never looked back.
So why is it that so many people, and I include myself in this when I was single, complain that there is never anyone good out there or least the good ones are taken. The populations have grown exponentially since the couples above met each other. Is it that too much choice makes us too choosy and therefore we always think that we can do better? Or is it that natural selection has fallen behind schedule and cant keep up with the birth rate?
Lets look history. Generally around turn of the last century people were usually set up by family’s. By the 1940’s and 50’s we even had propaganda about “going steady” and the dangers of that. Advice given publicly and in homes that people should date lots first without any commitment, find out how they felt with many different people before deciding to “go steady”. The mother’s would advise their daughters to not “make a habit of dating” with the same boy as it might drift into “going steady”. While you were not thinking marriage, you didn’t go steady with anyone. Once a young person thought of marriage then you could think about going steady to find out if they were the one. In Essentials we are still of the same frame of mind.
In the 1960’s the swinger was born. Carefree singles living in single’s complexes and attending single’s only events. Marriage was less in the minds of those dating and focus was more on having fun and enjoying singledom. Marriage was not even considered until people were 25! Imagine that! Nearly over the hill there… *note sarcasm*
And then we come to the 80’s. Ah the 80’s the era that brought us Ferris Buler’s Day Out, Caddy Shack, Cannonball Run and other classics brought us the era of video dating…….
Ma’… Tha rains is ‘ere! tha rains is ‘ere! 22, May, 2009
The weatherman had been telling us all week “watch out for the rain tomorrow, forecast is for showers and a possible storm later”, all week it had been nothing but blue skies, sunshine lolliepops… so of course when I awoke to glorious sunshine, crispy morning and light wind, with barely a cloud in the sky I thought… “i don’t need an umbrella”
Walking through the hospital (which is my short cut to work) I see some people with umbrellas and think “well, you guys are carrying it for nothing”.
I had walked into the hospital seeing sunshine and when I got to the other end it was pouring cats and dogs and their water bowls. Couldn’t believe it! As I stood there I wondered if I could do the Homer Simpson thing put my foot out of one side of the hospital “sunshine” the other foot out the other side “rain” “sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain!”
What annoyed me the most were the selfish bastards who had umbrellas…
Yeah you, you know im talking about you!
I stood there in my dress, waiting for the rain to dissipate… while bastard after bastard walked past with their big huge beach umbrellas that could cover a small classroom of children underneath it… did anyone offer to walk me? NO! The only consolation I had was that because these people braved the strong ghastly winds and the rain they heads may have been dry but they entire bodies were getting soaked as they walked down the street… I waited for almost half an hour… but then I saw an opportunity to get out there… I did not get wet, I had a few sprinkles on me… and when I got to my building and approached the elevators… I saw one of those selfish bastards who had SEEN me stuck at the hospital without an umbrella waiting for it. Well Mr Level 5 IT nerd… seems like you have soaked wet shoes and soaked pants… and I don’t, and without an umbrella… he looked at me, gave me a forced kind of a smile while looking down at his soaked body…..hmmm me thinks… CHECK MATE… mate…
When Your Time is up… Your Time is Up… 5, May, 2009
When your time is up, your time is up…Im quite distressed, worried, anxious and shocked….. Woman’s Day gossip magazine has just devastated me…..
“Oprah – Just Five Years to Live”
This diagnosis comes from Dr David Demko, he quoted to the magazine
“Based on her current lifestyle and genetic risk factors, Oprah can only expect to live until she is 58 or 59 years old”
The magazine article further continues –
“This shock diagnosis confirmed fears long-held by those close to Oprah, that she is far from the happy, healthy person she projects.According to Dr Demko, there are a number of positive and negative things that influence how long we live. While Oprah gains years for her charity work and spirituality, he says there are many areas she needs to address….she needs to slow down and bring more happiness into her life…”
Dr Demko is not Oprah’s physician.
http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=279779
Woah man this is serious stuff! Let me take some time to digest through this…
First preliminary thoughts
1) If I were Oprah and I read that a Dr Demko diagnosed me with only having 5 years to live i too would be concerned. I mean with all my billions of dollars that I would generate yearly surely I could live for longer than that.
My own mother who is on nightly dialysis treatment as she has no function in both kidneys has lived beyond the time she was expected to… According to Dr Demko’s analysis though my mum too needs more happiness to live longer… Drs said she would only live for maybe 6 months but its now been almost a year and half and this promise has yet to be fulfilled…. With Oprah’s money and the vast resource of kidney’s she could access if she had kidney failure she could just buy one or two or four if she wanted to… that would add another 10-40 years to her life.
2) This Dr Demko – I did indepth research into this man… PhD he did something no else has done… he has major cred here people… he is the inventor of the Death Calculator… http://www.demko.com/boom0525.htm
Well after you have edgumacated yourself and stop being such an illiteratey you might actually take into account Dr Demko’s credible diagnosis of you and Oprah! Thank you Dr Demko… I trust you as much as I trust Dr Nick….The knee bones connected to the… something..the something’s connected to my wrist watch….
I Dated a Coyote Part II 1, May, 2009
Last time you joined my little adventure I had just realised that the guy I was dating, Pablo, was a people smuggler. This explained their enormous wealth in this third world country (yes i know im not being politically correct but lets call a spade a spade shall we?).
So yes, there I was in the car with a whole family of people smugglers. They were very nice to me, so I really wasn’t in a position to spout any kind of personal thoughts on that matter. I kept my mouth shut just smiled and appeared very impressed…. they were latino men and of course I had to stroke ego at that point, plus they were my ride home. A few minutes later Pablo’s dad turns to the driver and says, “do you see that car behind us? That Soarer?”
“Yes sir”
“Pablo, Jose, Ricardo that black soarer has been following us for the last 10 mins”
They turned to look and Ricardo (the dad’s brother) said “well we better get ready”
I had no idea what was going on, but I turned back to look and yup there was a black Soarer driving behind us. As I turned back to sit facing forward… a big black case was pulled out by Pablo’s dad… it looked like the type of case you get when you buy a set of hand held weights? You know the type… rectangular black hard casing and well padded and he pulls out these guns one for each passenger except me… do not ask me what type of guns they were but they were big hand held guns. Thick and black with silver on them…retrospectively they were really cool looking guns… but at the time my heart sunk, I sank into my seat keeping my head below the window level… and started praying.
Pablo’s dad turned and said “ don’t worry Susi Spice you are my son’s girl nothing will happen to you we are looking after you now, you see” he continued to speak softer and had lost any inebriation he had, “The Americans have a little bit of money out for my head so I need to keep alert and protect myself”. The car pulled into a street, then another, as if trying to lose the black Soarer. The car was kept running while the lights were turned off and they waited to see if the black Soarer came for us…
Those were the most tense moments ive lived through in my life to this day…
After about 5 minutes no cars came our way at all. Cautiously they kept a look out as we drove home. About half way home they all relaxed, the guns were put away and I sat up… Pablo’s dad laughed about the incident and we all continued along our merry way. When we arrived at my house, Pablo decided to walk to me to the door and gave me a kiss good night (as if i could say no to him at that point!). Pablo’s dad, from the car, announced, “I like you very much for my son, you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful personality, I hope to see you here more often and hope you don’t escape us to Australia too soon!”
Needless to say I became VERY VERY VERY busy for the remainder of my stay in El Salvador and just unfortunately was caught up in so many family events and do’s that I never could go out with Pablo again.
Part 1 – I dated a Coyote 29, April, 2009
Well it was summer of 2006 in El Salvador. I arrived and met my entire army of family including cousins to 5th generation (how people can keep track of family trees in their head is beyond me) never the less they are family as we were related through my great grandmother’s sister who had a second marriage to some man and produced 4 kids from that marriage and one of those grand aunties had 5 kids and one of those kids had 6 of my aunties and uncles and… ok well point is..is that I met a cousin of mine.
She was awesome as she was down from the USA we went and partied together and had a ball. We had heaps of fun. She introduced me to a friend of hers. I forget his name, but I dated him for about 6 weeks. We will call him.. Pablo. Pablo was quite well off, he strolled around like he owned the place and well yes he will be classified as a typical latin player. He would drive past my mum’s (mom) house everyday for 2 weeks after my cousin introduced me to him and kept asking me out until I finally said yes.
Why did I say yes to this player? Well I figured he had a car, knew the place and would take me to all different places I was yet to visit, he was kinda cute, he was into me and I was on holiday I really didn’t have any excuse not date him. Moreover, the other guy I was dating (who was also the best friend of another of my cousins) lived a bit far away so I didn’t get to see him much (this is another story to come)
One night his father invited me out for an afternoon trip to this town about an hour and half drive away. My mum encouraged me to go as she had visited that town years ago and she had found it quite charming and pretty. I accepted the offer. His father brought his driver, a friend, Pablo and Pablo’s uncle. We all took off, his father said that he was happy that Pablo was dating me as he had known my grandparents and knew that I came from good stock, as he put it. We spent the day in this quaint village. It was quite small, stone coble streets, nothing fancy but had awesome nature surrounding it.
I was tired and just looking forward to getting home and resting. Pablo’s father had been drinking and kept trying to talk to me.
“Susi Spice, you are a beautiful girl, I like you for my son. He is lucky to have you. And you are lucky to have him.”
(me thinking) *whatever, i don’t care, im leaving anyway im just having fun* but of course, i replied
“oh thank you, very nice of you to say”
And in his near drunken stupor continued;
“See we are quite well off, actually, we are very well off, I own cattle hacienda’s, I own a very successful travel business and many cars… you are one lucky girl, my son seems to have really taken to you… this could all be yours if you play your cards right”
*oh you are one of those people who feel they need to flaunt their money, whatever*
“oh ok, well you must be proud of your success”
Here i was thinking, well I guess he will just shut up and let me rest back. But noooooooooo he had to open his big trap!
“Susi Spice, you see, our travel business takes me to Mexico and the USA very often to name a few places. I have many good, great friends. I love my friends there. Have you been?”
“yes i have i loved mexico and well the USA I haven’t travelled extensively but its alright, have you?”
Pablo’s dad gave a big jolly, mischievous laugh and said
“how well can I trust you?”
*not much you’ve known me for like 2 seconds, whatever you wanna tell me you should probably not tell me about it*
“of course you can, otherwise your son wouldn’t have such great judgement to have kept dating me right?”
Pablo’s dad gave a hardy laugh out loud
“I like you Susi Spice, you will do well with us, my most successful business is my travel business… you like travelling don’t you? Well… my travel business is more like transportation…”
*hmmmmmmm this is sounding a little weird…but ok..*
“transportation, that is always a good business…”
“ha ha.. yes it is, it has done us very well. I have gotten my cars, my houses, my villa, my childrens education, everything, my secured retirement, everything I am a wealthy man my girl” at this point he turned to look at me with a grin…
That was kinda freaky…
“Do you know what my family business is Susi Spice?”
*me thinking oh shit what the hell are you people into????*
“um.. do you transport cattle?”
Pablo’s dad threw the biggest laugh I had heard all day, so did all the other men in the car.
“In a way… people like travelling Susi Spice. People like to travel fast and get to where they want.. fast. That is what we provide. Do you know what a Coyote is?”
“um… a desert animal?”
“we are Coyote’s. Our business is the transportation of people to a better life.”
*holy shit, the guy is a people smuggler. There I am dating the heir to a people smuggling business and thereby involvement with the Mexican mafia… Fuck*
To be continued…
so what? so what? so what!? 23, April, 2009
I dont think i got that temporary higher duty assignment I applied for at work L
Im so sad…
So I hadn’t done that type of work before… so what!?
So I wrote in 6 font to try and fit everything i wanted to say into two page… so what!?
So you couldnt read it unless you wore magnifying glasses… so what!?
So I really didn’t know what the job was actually about.. So what!?
So I have never managed a project of that size… so what!?
So I would probably spend half the time learning about what I need to do… so what!?
I wrote a damn good application! Just because I didn’t have all the experience and skills you reject me!? (I think) So what!?
Im still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don’t need you..and ur stinking job!
Meeting the Parents 14, April, 2009
Well I have a confession, another confession to make …
I didn’t tell you.. but I have been seeing Aaron all this time. I first described him as a little clingy and emotional and baggage ridden. Well, he seems to have gotten over it all. He has proven himself to be a really really nice awesome guy who actually seems to fulfil 90% of what I always hoped a guy for me would be. He did bombard me with his baggage from before BUT in the last 2 months has blossomed into someone really fun and whom I can really hang out with who doesn’t talk about his past so much in fact he is so positive about the future. He loves it when I sing, albeit a little badly, in the car and he will sometimes join in with me so i don’t feel so left out if he doesn’t join in he will laugh and tell me im cute (we will see how long that lasts hehe). He likes to take care of me and when I was sick last week with the flu I felt very pampered and loved. He is attentive, kind and sweet and for some God-only-knows reason he loves to be around me even if I am snotty, sneezy and cough-flem riddled with flu-disease and that has to be special…right…
So this past weekend was Easter. We had a long 4 day weekend woohooo wish i had more time off from work though. On the Friday I had arranged for him to meet my mum and sister. Aaron came over for lunch on Friday, I made a yummy lunch of pupusas which turned out fabulous. On the Sunday Aaron was over in the afternoon. We planned to just hang out at my house and watch movies have lunch and then go out at night. I made an awesome warm lamb salad that he loved and we settled on watching Lord of the Rings – Fellowship of the Ring. After a while of Aaron hugging me tightly, sweetly kissing me every now and then I decided to go put some socks on because i felt a little cold. I started having a coughing fit and closed my bedroom door. Then suddenly I hear this huge noise, it wasn’t the telephone ringing, it wasn’t a bunch of plates breaking on mountain of sharp rocks, it wasn’t the sound of a hippopotamus roaring in the savana… it wasn’t even the sound of an airplane flying really low above my house… the door trembling, airplane-thundering sound that i heard was that of my mothers backside…..
My coughing fit seemed to suddenly have stopped dead in its track, i felt the rush of my blood from my head to my toes as it went from hot to cold and my body take a deep breath as it prepared for the humiliation I would feel on her behalf as i opened the door to my bedroom and walked back into the lounge where Aaron was waiting..the lounge that adjoins the kitchen… that has no door… I then made a 180° turn and tried to run out of my bedroom that I almost tripped over my own shoe… and arrived at the kitchen with baited breath “ MUM!!!” and she calmly turns to me and whispers “shhhhh don’t make a scene, he didn’t hear it” in amazement I said to her “I was in my bedroom at the end of the house with my bedroom door closed and I heard you and now is the time that you choose to whisper!???”
She didn’t much after that, she giggled and said, ‘it wasn’t that bad’. I as the trooper I am walked back into that lounge room to find Aaron startled, with a tiny little grin on his face not knowing what to say… all i could do was apologise… over and over and over again..
The man then kissed me and said, “i still want to be with you, no matter what” and that has to say something special about him.. right…
Susi Spice is on Twitter! 9, April, 2009
Yo peeps, you know I hate following fads. I still refuse to read one line of the Twilight series or see the movie but I have, ala, given in to Twitter. Susispice on Twitter!!!! 
now all i have to do is figure out how to use the dam thing
I Wanna Do the Blu-Tack Challenge!!!! 9, April, 2009
Well as ive mentioned before I do not like to really talk about my work place but really I just couldn’t go past this email that went around just 2 minute ago that I felt it my duty to share it with you all.. I just had to blog about it.
Ok so the girls that work in corporate ie the admin staff that deal with the running of the place, all work part time as they are all mothers of primary school children (elementary school for you yanks). So whenever they wish ask something of the staff that work there they try to engaged you and motivate you to do it by offering you little treats…. Blu Tack for those of you who don’t know is a gum like sticky substance used to stick things on walls, glass windows you name it, without actually using glue. I have included a picture of it below.. and i have included the email which circulated just a few mintues ago..
Do you want a FREE coffee voucher?
Then read on………
The WA Registry Blu Tack Challenge is on for today only.
The staff member who can collect the biggest ‘blob’ of blu-tack will win an E’Sense voucher to the value of $4.00 – the price of a medium cappuccino!
Entries close strictly at 3.30pm today and must be handed in to anyone in the Corporate team (Thursday 9 April 2009)
Rules:
1. Blu-Tack must be taken off walls, doors etc – its previous job must have been holding posters etc up. (ie Blu tack taken from your drawers or the stationery cabinet will not be accepted)
2. Any out-dated posters can be removed from the walls in order to obtain the tack – But you must check with Corporate/Communication to ensure that the posters can be removed.
3. Blu-Tack includes, but is not limited to the colour blue. Green is accepted!
4. Please remove all blu-tack carefully and ensure that surfaces are not damaged.
5. Every WA Registry or Geospatial employee working on levels 10 or 11 of EPP is eligible to enter.
So get going….Who wants coffee????????????
I have a couple of theories on why corporate did this:
1) They don’t want to get off their asses and go clean up the place themselves
2) There has been a request from staff to buy more Blu-Tack (god knows WHY) and they are trying to save money by just re-collecting old Blu-Tack and re-using it! It will make them look oh so efficient and smart to their bosses
I tell ya man… I gotta set up my own business so I can impose on MY staff stupid little tasks to do..
By the way I am unable to partake in this special challenge because I do not drink coffee… what a shame.. there is no incentive in it for me…
And im going to KEEP my little pile of Blu-Tack all to myself!
i actually found it a little insulting that they think that this type of motivational tool would work on me!…. it might have it had been a hot chocolate but noooo they had to use coffee… amatures..
Introducing and Presenting Jessica Mauboy! 25, March, 2009
Hey peeps thought id edjumecate you all on this up and coming new aussie artist. She is awesome right now she is mine and Arabian princess’ favourite artist of the moment. She was on Australian Idol..do NOT hold that against me and Arabian Princess, seriously check these songs out they are really good. She did not win Australian Idol she came runner up. So far this girl has her head on straight and priorities right. She is slowly building up her own little music empire – you go girl! Even Flo_Rida got in on the action by doing a little rap sequence in her songs
Check her vids and music out below J
The Carly Chronicles – Life in the fast lane 25, March, 2009
I was remembering an incident that happened a few years ago with the infamous Carly. We were at university and she was obsessively anxious to pick up a hot guy with a hot bike (motorbike that is).
Carly: i really wanna date a guy who can ride a bike, and he be really hot too.
Me: yeah, guys on bikes do look hot UNTIL they take off their helmets and you realise that they are 50year olds with missing front teeth.
Carly: I think I can tell a hot guy just by the bike he owns.
Me: what? You cant tell what a guy would look like by his bike.
We were walking through the car park to my car and walked past the motorbike car park. Curiously Carly asked if we could take a walk through the bikes. So obligingly we did.
Carly: ooo this is such a hot bike *she lent on the bike and posed* wouldn’t I look so hot on the back of this back with my arms around a hot guy?
Me: that is a nice bike, its red.
Carly: Yeah red, so hot! I am going to do something I have never done before… im going to leave a note on this bike and give this guy my number.
Me: You don’t know if the owner is a guy or not..let alone if he is hot or not you seriously wanna leave your number on the bike? What if he is a weirdo!? What if this person is a stalker? What if he is the grossest thing you have ever laid eyes on??
Carly: you are such child! Look I am a little older and you have to start learning that sometimes you gotta take chances Sus.
So Carly proceeded write her name and number and the following little note:
“you have a sexy bike, here is my number if you’d like to catch up some time”. She left it on the bike.
About a week later she runs up to me all excited, “oh my god the guy from the bike called me! And we went out! His name is Wade he is one of the physiotherapy students”.
I was quite shocked and excited for her “oh my god are you serious??? Really? You went out already? So he wasn’t ugly, really overweight fatty boomba or a weirdo?”
Carly: no! He is so hot, so buff he has big muscles, really hot body. I am having my new apartment housewarming on Saturday and you will meet him then. Cant wait for you guys to meet him. He is so big and I love how he puts his arms around me.
Saturday night came along and Marie and I helped her set up for her party. We welcomed the people into the house and showed them around while Carly played perfect hostess for the night. Then the door bell rang about half an hour later. I opened the door… there were 3 guys standing at the door and I looked up, and kept looking up and further up… here infront of me stood this ginormous 6”7 guy who was huge. HUGE. I do not mean that he was Arnie Swartznegger huge…he was… Professor Klump big… and quite the most unattractive man ive ever seen. This was Wade the bike man. Wade walked right in and handed over a bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon and headed for the chicken wings I had made (he ate most of the 50 wings I had made before the rest of the guests arrived). Carly was flirting with him and getting carried around by him..
Carly was so excited to see him I had my own thoughts on the matter, however, I kept silent as I was not going to say anything just because the guy was unattractive and really really really overweight, not my place to be shallow, it wasn’t me he was interested in bagging. I had a few of our friends come up to me and say “what the hell is she doing with that guy?? He isn’t really paying attention to her unless she is jumping on him and he is eating all the food! And he is so unattractive what is she doing??? Where did she meet this guy??” What could i say except “she met his bike first and gave his bike her number and well here is the result”.
Towards the end of the night the guy had broken 2 chairs by simply sitting on them. I had a few of the guys say to me that they were still hungry because Wade ate all the food so I cooked up some more chicken wings and made them some sandwhiches. While i was cooking in the kitchen things happened out in the party..
suddenly Marie barges into the kitchen and tells me “stop what you are doing right now… we have to save Carly, that girl is making a mistake, she will regret it tomorrow we have to stop her”
Me: what are you talking about? What’s happened?
Marie: Carly has gone upstairs with Wade..he will break her bed!
Me: *burst out laughing*
Marie: Its not funny, this is serious! She barely knows this guy who knows what he will do!
Me: what can we do? She is already in her room with him.
Marie: susi do something!
So I took a deep breath and walked to the bottom of the stairs where the people who were still around had gathered to laugh about it, look at the bent legs on the chairs he had broken and try to figure out how he managed to break these chairs with steel legs. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and shouted:
“Carly… Carly can you come help with the food, the guys are hungry”
No response.
“Carly, everyone is leaving you should come down and say good bye.”
No response at all.
Marie, very worried suggested to me: you have to go up there and tell Carly to stop doing whatever she is doing and come down here now.
Me: Urgh fine!
I went upstairs to her room and knocked on the door, “Carly open up the girl want their bags so they can go home then you guys can keep doing whatever it is you are doing”
Carly opens the door and in a fluster says “im sorry hun, im so drunk… here are the bags..oh my god im so embarrassed ha ha ha”.
Me: You sure you wanna do this with this guy?? Maybe you should wait till youre not so pissed off your nut..
Carly: don’t worry hun, I know what I am doing
I rescued the bags and walked down stairs. Marie and I and most of the guests left the party.
Next day:
Couple of us got together at Carly’s house and Carly starts to tell us:
“I am so hung over haha… my head hurts… I am never drinking again… Wade hasn’t called me today at all. I don’t know about these guys, he seemed really interested and then nothing”
Me: well Carly all I can say is that the guy was… um… pretty big…
Carly: Yeah he is huge, works out like 5 times a week
Me thinking: works out? You mean eats 5 tonnes a week
Me replied: Yeah well we tried to rescue you last night, did you… sleep with him?
Carly: No… we were playing around and well he was too big for me… it really hurt… and something weird happened which i don’t know if its natural or not
The other person: the guy broke 2 chairs Carly, the man was huge! And he doesn’t look like he works out
Carly: He does, though… ok the weird thing that happened was that he was you know..fully erect and in the middle of him being on top of me he gets up and goes to the bathroom leaves the door open so I can see him and he pees while still erect.. is that normal???
Well the conversation went on from there… needless to say this was only one of the many times and tribulations of Carly. After that Wade never really called her again or went out with her. Carly finally came to her senses and when she realised she didn’t have his attention anymore the guy became “that fat head ugly mistake”.
Gout and Mark 19, March, 2009
My friend Mark works in another company. I rang him during the day to discuss a particular matter we are both dealing with. At the end of the formalities we had a bit of a chat and the conversation went like this:
Susi Spice: Well now that formalities are out of the way how’s your day been? How are you?
Mark: Im ok… *sigh*
Susi Spice: Whats wrong ma brother from another mother?
Mark: haha brother from another mother that’s funny I like it. I think … I may.. have gout…
Susi Spice: Gout?
Mark: Yeah Gout, the drinking man’s disease.. *sounding very sad*
Susi Spice: *Burst of laughter* Gout? What do you mean you have Gout?
Mark: *laughing a little* i could barely get up this morning my heel was so puffed up and inflamed. I never said i HAD gout, i MIGHT have gout I have to go see a doctor.
Susi Spice: I will find out some remedies and email them to you ok?
Mark: Thanks, buddy will talk to you later.
So I did what any friend would do and sent him some suggestions I found the email is below:
From: Susi Spice
To: Mark P.
Hi im Troy McClure, you may remember me from such medical info-mercials such as
“Acne…Your friend, Your foe and other date and mate repellants”
“Welcome to the scrape-n-ator… your guide to scabs”
And
“Fungi… scratch that itch and get hitched”
Tonights medical info-mercial is about Gout… Gout the drinking man’s disease…
Home remedies include things like:
1) Taking in more Vitamin C (4 fifths of people know that)
2) Eating at least one handful of cherries or making them into juice
3) Increase your intake of calcium via yoghurt or milk
4) Increase your intake of celery to at least 4 times a day eating 10 sticks per occassion
(Please note that the above remedies may or may not reduce ulric acid and as such may or may not contain any medical basis for them. Nor is there any proof that they do or do not work. Source: Google)
Good luck!
Susi Spice.
