Im not drunk! Im Ethnic! 25, June, 2009

There are plenty of arguments held over this thing we call multiculturalism. A recent study allegedly found that the majority of Australians were in favour of multiculturalism but at the same time were afraid of the effects of multiculturalism would have on racial harmony if it was not managed well.

 For those of you who do not know what multiculturalism is I will give you one definition as defined by the South Australian Multicultural and Ethnic Affairs Commission Act 1980, “policies and practices that recognise and respond to the ethnic diversity of the South Australia community and have as their primary objects the creation of conditions under which all groups and members of the community may:

• Live and work together harmoniously.
• Fully and effectively participate in, and employ their skills and talents for the benefit of, the economic, social and cultural life of the community.
• Maintain and give expression to their distinctive cultural heritages.

 Essentially saying you have a right to express your culture, be who you are and that in you will be valued for it in the workplace and social settings also.

 Now given that you understand what this is lets follow the story that appeared in one of our newspapers today:

 ”Bartenders fined for serving a high five”

 A high five was not a drink or some sort of underground bootlegged banned alcohol. It was literally a high five. It further explains

 “Ivan Pancho was confronted by an undercover police officer and frogmarched out of the …club after he high-fived a friend before ordering a blue lagoon cocktail. The two barmaids were fined, one for preparing the drink and another for serving it… A staff insider said Mr Pancho…was in no way intoxicated and was a well-known club regular who was always friendly and well behaved…

 They [police] told the manager that her [police] grounds for kicking me out was that I gave someone a high-five. Come on, West Tigers were playing”

 Ok so let’s link this back to the multiculturalism thing. Ivan Pancho is clearly ethnic (see picture below). Lets face it, how many ethnic people do you know who are quiet, non talkative and expressionless? I think that Ivan Pancho was probably having a great ol’ time and enjoying the football game. The man probably had a booming voice as he laughed and talked out loud and it pissed off this undercover police who’s version of shouting is barely audible by an ant. I think this police officer was getting jealous that he wasn’t paying her attention or maybe they were jealous that his team was beating her team.  Yes I know that people will say, well maybe he was drunk and was out of order… well given that the staff who were there watching him say that he was NOT intoxicated and that he was NOT misbehaving or causing trouble should have been enough to NOT give the bartenders a fine and NOT kick the guy out.

Ivan Pancho

 This police officer was out of order, this police officer needs to have some training in understanding other cultures and how they behave.

 Us ethnics do not sit around knitting wool and drinking cups of tea and think that is a jolly good time… to us it would be the beginning of insanity.

 My neighbours are two African guys and when they are home and playing on their Wii you can hear them laughing and joking around even when I have my door closed. But I know that it is how they are, it is their culture.

 Other cultures will speak to each other as if they are fighting but they are not, ever been to a Greek wedding or party? Its awesome! Everyone talks, everyone laughs, and everyone dances.

 Arabs – when you hear them talking to each other you would think they are constantly telling each other off, they not doing that necessarily its just culture its the expressionist in them.

 The latinos – my people… come on! we are in the middle of a war zone and still manage to put on a big street party with bands and dancing plenty of food and drink no one necessarily gets trashed or drunk but people are talking and expression every emotion they feel. When we are watching football games or the world cup we are the first to be banging drunks, blowing whistles, singing at the top of our lungs in support of our team.. we are not drunk… we are just emotion crazy!

 What this undercover police person needs to understand is that it is the way it is, ethnic people will express anger, sadness and happiness in loud vocal and demonstrative ways it doesn’t mean we are drunk and disorderly. If anything we should arrest you for being plain BORING!

Ma’… Tha rains is ‘ere! tha rains is ‘ere! 22, May, 2009

The weatherman had been telling us all week “watch out for the rain tomorrow, forecast is for showers and a possible storm later”, all week it had been nothing but blue skies, sunshine lolliepops… so of course when I awoke to glorious sunshine, crispy morning and light wind, with barely a cloud in the sky I thought… “i don’t need an umbrella”

 Walking through the hospital (which is my short cut to work) I see some people with umbrellas and think “well, you guys are carrying it for nothing”.

 I had walked into the hospital seeing sunshine and when I got to the other end it was pouring cats and dogs and their water bowls. Couldn’t believe it! As I stood there I wondered if I could do the Homer Simpson thing put my foot out of one side of the hospital “sunshine”  the other foot out the other side “rain” “sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain! Sunshine! Rain!”

 

What annoyed me the most were the selfish bastards who had umbrellas…

Yeah you, you know im talking about you!

I stood there in my dress, waiting for the rain to dissipate… while bastard after bastard walked past with their big huge beach umbrellas that could cover a small classroom of children underneath it… did anyone offer to walk me? NO! The only consolation I had was that because these people braved the strong ghastly winds and the rain they heads may have been dry but they entire bodies were getting soaked as they walked down the street… I waited for almost half an hour… but then I saw an opportunity to get out there… I did not get wet, I had a few sprinkles on me… and when I got to my building and approached the elevators… I saw one of those selfish bastards who had SEEN me stuck at the hospital without an umbrella waiting for it. Well Mr Level 5 IT nerd… seems like you have soaked wet shoes and soaked pants… and I don’t, and without an umbrella… he looked at me, gave me a forced kind of a smile while looking down at his soaked body…..hmmm me thinks… CHECK MATE… mate…

When Your Time is up… Your Time is Up… 5, May, 2009

When your time is up, your time is up…Im quite distressed, worried, anxious and shocked….. Woman’s Day gossip magazine has just devastated me…..

 “Oprah – Just Five Years to Live”

 This diagnosis comes from Dr David Demko, he quoted to the magazine

“Based on her current lifestyle and genetic risk factors, Oprah can only expect to live until she is 58 or 59 years old”

 The magazine article further continues –

“This shock diagnosis confirmed fears long-held by those close to Oprah, that she is far from the happy, healthy person she projects.According to Dr Demko, there are a number of positive and negative things that influence how long we live. While Oprah gains years for her charity work and spirituality, he says there are many areas she needs to address….she needs to slow down and bring more happiness into her life…”

 Dr Demko is not Oprah’s physician.

 http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=279779

 Woah man this is serious stuff! Let me take some time to digest through this…

First preliminary thoughts

1)     If I were Oprah and I read that a Dr Demko diagnosed me with only having 5 years to live i too would be concerned. I mean with all my billions of dollars that I would generate yearly surely I could live for longer than that.

My own mother who is on nightly dialysis treatment as she has no function in both kidneys has lived beyond the time she was expected to… According to Dr Demko’s analysis though my mum too needs more happiness to live longer… Drs said she would only live for maybe 6 months but its now been almost a year and half and this promise has yet to be fulfilled…. With Oprah’s money and the vast resource of kidney’s she could access if she had kidney failure she could just buy one or two or four if she wanted to… that would add another 10-40 years to her life.

2)     This Dr Demko – I did indepth research into this man… PhD he did something no else has done… he has major cred here people… he is the inventor of the Death Calculator… http://www.demko.com/boom0525.htm

Well after you have edgumacated yourself and stop being such an illiteratey you might actually take into account Dr Demko’s credible diagnosis of you and Oprah! Thank you Dr Demko… I trust you as much as I trust Dr Nick….The knee bones connected to the… something..the something’s connected to my wrist watch….

I Dated a Coyote Part II 1, May, 2009

Last time you joined my little adventure I had just realised that the guy I was dating, Pablo, was a people smuggler. This explained their enormous wealth in this third world country (yes i know im not being politically correct but lets call a spade a spade shall we?).

 So yes, there I was in the car with a whole family of people smugglers. They were very nice to me, so I really wasn’t in a position to spout any kind of personal thoughts on that matter. I kept my mouth shut just smiled and appeared very impressed…. they were latino men and of course I had to stroke ego at that point, plus they were my ride home. A few minutes later Pablo’s dad turns to the driver and says, “do you see that car behind us? That Soarer?”

“Yes sir”

“Pablo, Jose, Ricardo that black soarer has been following us for the last 10 mins”

They turned to look and Ricardo (the dad’s brother) said “well we better get ready”

I had no idea what was going on, but I turned back to look and yup there was a black Soarer driving behind us. As I turned back to sit facing forward… a big black case was pulled out by Pablo’s dad… it looked like the type of case you get when you buy a set of hand held weights? You know the type… rectangular black hard casing and well padded and he pulls out these guns one for each passenger except me… do not ask me what type of guns they were but they were big hand held guns. Thick and black with silver on them…retrospectively they were really cool looking guns… but at the time my heart sunk, I sank into my seat keeping my head below the window level… and started praying.

 Pablo’s dad turned and said “ don’t worry Susi Spice you are my son’s girl nothing will happen to you we are looking after you now, you see” he continued to speak softer and had lost any inebriation he had, “The Americans have a little bit of money out for my head so I need to keep alert and protect myself”. The car pulled into a street, then another, as if trying to lose the black Soarer. The car was kept running while the lights were turned off and they waited to see if the black Soarer came for us…

Those were the most tense moments ive lived through in my life to this day…

After about 5 minutes no cars came our way at all. Cautiously they kept a look out as we drove home. About half way home they all relaxed, the guns were put away and I sat up… Pablo’s dad laughed about the incident and we all continued along our merry way. When we arrived at my house, Pablo decided to walk to me to the door and gave me a kiss good night (as if i could say no to him at that point!). Pablo’s dad, from the car, announced, “I like you very much for my son, you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful personality, I hope to see you here more often and hope you don’t escape us to Australia too soon!”

Needless to say I became VERY VERY VERY busy for the remainder of my stay in El Salvador and just unfortunately was caught up in so many family events and do’s that I never could go out with Pablo again.

Part 1 – I dated a Coyote 29, April, 2009

Well it was summer of 2006 in El Salvador. I arrived and met my entire army of family including cousins to 5^th generation (how people can keep track of family trees in their head is beyond me) never the less they are family as we were related through my great grandmother’s sister who had a second marriage to some man and produced 4 kids from that marriage and one of those grand aunties had 5 kids and one of those kids had 6 of my aunties and uncles and… ok well point is..is that I met a cousin of mine.

 

She was awesome as she was down from the USA we went and partied together and had a ball. We had heaps of fun. She introduced me to a friend of hers. I forget his name, but I dated him for about 6 weeks. We will call him.. Pablo. Pablo was quite well off, he strolled around like he owned the place and well yes he will be classified as a typical latin player. He would drive past my mum’s (mom) house everyday for 2 weeks after my cousin introduced me to him and kept asking me out until I finally said yes.

 

Why did I say yes to this player? Well I figured he had a car, knew the place and would take me to all different places I was yet to visit, he was kinda cute, he was into me and I was on holiday I really didn’t have any excuse not date him. Moreover, the other guy I was dating (who was also the best friend of another of my cousins) lived a bit far away so I didn’t get to see him much (this is another story to come)

 

One night his father invited me out for an afternoon trip to this town about an hour and half drive away. My mum encouraged me to go as she had visited that town years ago and she had found it quite charming and pretty. I accepted the offer. His father brought his driver, a friend, Pablo and Pablo’s uncle. We all took off, his father said that he was happy that Pablo was dating me as he had known my grandparents and knew that I came from good stock, as he put it. We spent the day in this quaint village. It was quite small, stone coble streets, nothing fancy but had awesome nature surrounding it.

 

 

I was tired and just looking forward to getting home and resting. Pablo’s father had been drinking and kept trying to talk to me.

“Susi Spice, you are a beautiful girl, I like you for my son. He is lucky to have you. And you are lucky to have him.”

(me thinking) *whatever, i don’t care, im leaving anyway im just having fun* but of course, i replied

“oh thank you, very nice of you to say”

And in his near drunken stupor continued;

“See we are quite well off, actually, we are very well off, I own cattle hacienda’s, I own a very successful travel business and many cars… you are one lucky girl, my son seems to have really taken to you… this could all be yours if you play your cards right”

*oh you are one of those people who feel they need to flaunt their money, whatever*

“oh ok, well you must be proud of your success”

Here i was thinking, well I guess he will just shut up and let me rest back. But noooooooooo he had to open his big trap!

 

“Susi Spice, you see, our travel business takes me to Mexico and the USA very often to name a few places. I have many good, great friends. I love my friends there. Have you been?”

“yes i have i loved mexico and well the USA I haven’t travelled extensively but its alright, have you?”

Pablo’s dad gave a big jolly, mischievous laugh and said

“how well can I trust you?”

*not much you’ve known me for like 2 seconds, whatever you wanna tell me you should probably not tell me about it*

“of course you can, otherwise your son wouldn’t have such great judgement to have kept dating me right?”

Pablo’s dad gave a hardy laugh out loud

“I like you Susi Spice, you will do well with us, my most successful business is my travel business… you like travelling don’t you? Well… my travel business is more like transportation…”

*hmmmmmmm this is sounding a little weird…but ok..*

“transportation, that is always a good business…”

“ha ha.. yes it is, it has done us very well. I have gotten my cars, my houses, my villa, my childrens education, everything, my secured retirement, everything I am a wealthy man my girl” at this point he turned to look at me with a grin…

That was kinda freaky…

“Do you know what my family business is Susi Spice?”

*me thinking oh shit what the hell are you people into????*

“um.. do you transport cattle?”

Pablo’s dad threw the biggest laugh I had heard all day, so did all the other men in the car.

“In a way… people like travelling Susi Spice. People like to travel fast and get to where they want.. fast. That is what we provide. Do you know what a Coyote is?”

“um… a desert animal?”

“we are Coyote’s. Our business is the transportation of people to a better life.”

*holy shit, the guy is a people smuggler. There I am dating the heir to a people smuggling business and thereby involvement with the Mexican mafia… Fuck*

 

To be continued…

so what? so what? so what!? 23, April, 2009

I dont think i got that temporary higher duty assignment I applied for at work L

Im so sad…

 

So I hadn’t done that type of work before… so what!?

So I wrote in 6 font to try and fit everything i wanted to say into two page… so what!?

So you couldnt read it unless you wore magnifying glasses… so what!?

So I really didn’t know what the job was actually about.. So what!?

So I have never managed a project of that size… so what!?

So I would probably spend half the time learning about what I need to do… so what!?

 

I wrote a damn good application! Just because I didn’t have all the experience and skills you reject me!? (I think) So what!?

Im still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don’t need you..and ur stinking job!

 

Susi Spice is on Twitter! 9, April, 2009

Yo peeps, you know I hate following fads. I still refuse to read one line of the Twilight series or see the movie but I have, ala, given in to Twitter. Susispice on Twitter!!!!

now all i have to do is figure out how to use the dam thing

I Wanna Do the Blu-Tack Challenge!!!! 9, April, 2009

Well as ive mentioned before I do not like to really talk about my work place but really I just couldn’t go past this email that went around just 2 minute ago that I felt it my duty to share it with you all.. I just had to blog about it.

 

Ok so the girls that work in corporate ie the admin staff that deal with the running of the place, all work part time as they are all mothers of primary school children (elementary school for you yanks). So whenever they wish ask something of the staff that work there they try to engaged you and motivate you to do it by offering you little treats…. Blu Tack for those of you who don’t know is a gum like sticky substance used to stick things on walls, glass windows you name it, without actually using glue. I have included a picture of it below.. and i have included the email which circulated just a few mintues ago..

 

 

 

Do you want a FREE coffee voucher?

 

Then read on………

 

The WA Registry Blu Tack Challenge is on for today only.

 

The staff member who can collect the biggest ‘blob’ of blu-tack will win an E’Sense voucher to the value of $4.00 – the price of a medium cappuccino!

 

Entries close strictly at 3.30pm today and must be handed in to anyone in the Corporate team (Thursday 9 April 2009)

 

Rules:

 

1.      Blu-Tack must be taken off walls, doors etc – its previous job must have been holding posters etc up. (ie Blu tack taken from your drawers or the stationery cabinet will not be accepted)

2.      Any out-dated posters can be removed from the walls in order to obtain the tack – But you must check with Corporate/Communication to ensure that the posters can be removed.

3.      Blu-Tack includes, but is not limited to the colour blue. Green is accepted!

4.      Please remove all blu-tack carefully and ensure that surfaces are not damaged.

5.      Every WA Registry or Geospatial employee  working on levels 10 or 11 of EPP is eligible to enter.

 

So get going….Who wants coffee????????????

 

 

I have a couple of theories on why corporate did this:

1)     They don’t want to get off their asses and go clean up the place themselves

2)     There has been a request from staff to buy more Blu-Tack (god knows WHY) and they are trying to save money by just re-collecting old Blu-Tack and re-using it! It will make them look oh so efficient and smart to their bosses

 

I tell ya man… I gotta set up my own business so I can impose on MY staff stupid little tasks to do..

 

By the way I am unable to partake in this special challenge because I do not drink coffee… what a shame.. there is no incentive in it for me…

And im going to KEEP my little pile of Blu-Tack all to myself!

i actually found it a little insulting that they think that this type of motivational tool would work on me!…. it might have it had been a hot chocolate but noooo they had to use coffee… amatures..

Madonna and her tax breaks 9, April, 2009

Ah my cute lil mum (mom) is at it again with her conspiracy theories. They can be funny and sound ludicrous but when you think about it, it could totally be a possibility. Her attention has turned to the Madonna adoption saga.

 

 

“did you hear about Madonna wanting to adopt another African baby??”

 

“oh yeh i did, i think she..”

 

“she was refused and im glad they refused her. That woman couldn’t possibly love those adopted kids, i think she is just using them to make herself more popular and i bet any money she wants to adopt these children because they are tax write-off! She can hire nannies and more servants etc and she writes it off on tax. Always thinking about money that one”.

 

“good point mum, but i don’t know, what about Angelina jolie and Brad Pitt who adopted like 6 kids from around the world and are wanting to adopt more?”

 

“who? I don’t know these people, but Madonna she only after the tax break!”.

 

Hehe she knows about some things…

More funnies from El Salvador 21, March, 2009

Personally I prefer HOT dogs, but never tried HAT dogs

Translation: Kar Wach - We spell it wrong but it wash them well

Translation: Prohibited to Urinate - Fine: an axing. (notice that there is a theme here I should donate public toilets i think)

Translation: (big circle) This is your brain, (small circle) this is your brain after drugs. (small circle underneath) this is your anus... (big circle next to that) This is your anus in prison. Dont Steal

i dont know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him... because he could be wearing a gstring bc he is too poor to afford his own underwear... or a cross dresser... so conflicted!

Another Bloody list for a Girl’s stupid wishlist for the perfect man 5, March, 2009

Ok, as little girls we are all read fairy tale stories about the beautiful princess and the handsome prince who live happily ever after.  Let me give you a little taste of what this life time time-line may look like:

 

Age 5 – little girl loves her Cinderella fairy story, where the handsome prince gives the beautiful Cinderella her glass slipper and they fall in love and live happily ever after. Girl starts to think: I want to marry a prince.

 

Age 10 – starts to have or already has experienced her first crush. She tells her best friend “i like Robbie, he is cute, he has nice brown eyes and nice hair”, her friend replies, “yeah but i like Tommy because he is taller and has blue eyes”… little girl thinks… hmmm i like nice eyes and nice hair… but she is right i want him to be taller too… Robbie is a bit too short…

 

Age 12 – little girls sleep over they tell each other who they have a crush on, little girls says “i like Tommy because he is tall, has nice eyes and nice hair” another friend says, “yeah but i like Matt because he is tall, has nice eyes, nice hair and he buys me a chocolate at every recess”. So the little girl thinks…. hmmm yes i do want that too…so i want a boy who is tall, has nice eyes, nice hair and buys me chocolates AND a bag of chips..just so my boy is better than Tracy’s…

 

Age 16 – Teenage girl has her first party to go to and she admits to her friend Lucy that she likes Alex because he is tall, has nice eyes, nice hair, buys her lunch every day at school. Lucy replies, “yeah he is nice but i like James better because he is tall, has nice eyes, nice hair, buys me lunch everyday and buys me flowers too!” so teenage girls starts to think..hmmm i am missing out here! I want that too! So she starts to list the things she wants;

Tall, nice eyes, nice hair, buys her lunch everyday, is romantic buys her flowers and drives a car and is the hottest looking guy in school, and has to cool, definitely not a dork, cant wear glasses, has to have spikey hair, oh and muscles definitely muscles, he cant have a high voice, he has to be on the basketball or football team, and smell nice, and take her to the movies, and spend lots of time with her, and take her to the graduation dance, and …

 

Fast forward a few years

 

Age 24 – Young woman admits to her girlfriends she cannot  find a good man because they are all losers. Why is it so hard to find a man who:

Drives a nice car, has a great job, a doctor maybe, has great hair, great teeth, has a great body, great abs, great ass, has money, who buys her dinners, who buys her presents, who is an executive at a big company, who takes her on overseas vacations, who buys her flowers, who has a nice a voice, has a great laugh, who has good posture, who has nice hands, who has great veins, who’s toes aren’t too big, who’s toes aren’t too small, who has big hands but not too big, who has a good sense of humor, who is serious when it needs to be, who is a gentlemen and opens doors, who isn’t s exist, who is sensitive, who isn’t a wuss, who is great in bed, who has a big penis, who hasn’t got a small penis, and is kind, generous, loving, stands up for himself, who looks after her, who wont smother her, and he isn’t jealous, and he isn’t possessive, and he doesn’t drink heavily, who goes to church, who is freaky in bed, and has broad shoulders, cant have a receeding hairline, cant be hairy, and has great legs, no ugly feet, and wont cheat, who is devoted to her… etc etc etc etc

 

Well we are dumb aren’t we? We make lists that could circle the earth ten times over its circumference. Now to add to the stupid lists a scientific studies has brought out the following article:

 

Finger size link to earning power

 

WHAT THE !????

 

The length of a man’s fingers may predict his success in the City, research findings suggest.

Scientists at Cambridge University found that financial traders whose ring fingers are longer than their index fingers make the most money.

The link could be down to testosterone exposure in the womb, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says.

This exposure may improve rapid decision-making skills and has been linked with aggression.

The same ring-to-index finger ratio, which is determined in the womb, has previously been associated with success in competitive sports.

Researcher John Coates and his team reported last year that testosterone seemed to boost short term success at finance after they found City traders with higher levels of the male hormone in the morning were more likely to make an unusually big profit that day.

Aggression hormone

Their latest findings are based on a study of 44 men working as traders in London, some of whom earned more than £4 million a year.

Over 20 months those traders with longer ring fingers made 11 times more money than those with the shortest ring fingers relative to their index fingers.

This “biological” impact on success was about equal to years of experience at the job. The most experienced traders made about nine times more than the least experienced ones.

When the researchers looked only at the experienced traders, those with longer ring fingers earned far more than those with shorter ring fingers – £838,000 compared to £154,000 on average, respectively.

The scientists believe that exposure to the “aggression” hormone testosterone in the womb may have improved the traders’ concentration and honed reflexes necessary to follow prices and make trades on extremely short notice.

This suggests that success on the financial markets is influenced by biology as much as experience, the researchers told PNAS.

Meanwhile, Belgian researchers have found men with longer ring fingers become less “socially minded” – less willing to give money to a fellow participant – after watching aggressive movies.

The reverse was also true – those with shorter ring fingers gave away the most money.

Lead researcher Kobe Millet said: “These results tell us that levels of testosterone people are exposed to before birth go on to affect their behaviour throughout their lives.”

He said studies suggested similar associations with finger length are also seen in women.

 

 

So now you know guys… now you are aware of another (stupid) little thing some women will be looking for in you when you are out on date…the size of your fingers… no longer will women just ask to have an STD (sexual transmitted disease) test they will ask your doctor to also test for this aggression hormone….

 

Next time you are out on a date and the woman lovingly takes your hand in hers..stroking it gently…oddly isolating your ring finger and studying it closely…. she is not thinking about marriage..she is thinking about this article… she is wondering… how much money are you able to really earn… and will that make you more attractive to her…

 

There is not just the ring finger theory. For decades, perhaps generations, there is also the Toe Theory. There are varying versions on the Toe Theory. Version one says that if your second toe is bigger than your big toe then you are more likely to be aggressive and dominant in relationships, version two says that if your second toe is bigger than your big toe then you are more likely to be unfaithful in relationships…hmmmmmmmmmm

 

So there is possibly an evolutionary and scientific excuse for cheating ??

 

“sorry baby, but you knew this would happen, you knew from the first time you saw my toes that i was more likely to cheat..not my fault… its the toes fault”

 

Im sorry men, good luck though!

 

This story just made me have enough! Enough! Lists why do we have them? Just so that when we meet a guy we are disappointed because they have a small penis no bigger erect than the width of our small palm??? To be disappointed because they don’t have the best job in the world!?? To be disappointed because they have more issues than Britney spears and Micheal Jackson put together!????

 

Sigh…

 

Ill breathe now…

 

I think ill just go back to my manbattical… its nice there….

Alien Abductions 1, March, 2009

Many humans (mainly Americans from the South) have allegedly experienced Alien Abduction. As I watched a fishing show on tv today that maybe fish experience it too.

In this fishing show, they were sport fishing. Catch the fish then throw it back…. I can just imagine the conversation

Fish #1: omg, last night I was abducted by aliens!

Fish #2: No way.. There are no such thing as aliens

Fish #1: they do too exist! And the probed me! There I was swimming around minding my own business, I saw this bright light and in that bright light I saw a worm and thought…woohooo lucky day going to eat tonight!..then suddenly as I bit it… I was lifted out of this world by this weird UFO (unidentified floating object)… they probed me in my gills and did all kinds of experiments on me and then threw me back.

Fish #2: surreeeeee Bob….. aliens… what did these “aliens” look like?

Fish #1: They were big and did not have scales… they had big beedy eyes and no fins… they had things that grabbed you like tenticles…. And had all kinds of contraptions to probe me with… I swear it theys were aliens!

Ah some of the reason i love going back to El Salvador 17, February, 2009

Just some of the reasons that I love going back to the country I was born in….if nothing its more entertainment!

 

Translation: Drunks go get fucked

 

 

Cause: playing chicken as the traffic light was out of order

 

 

Im sure we can squeeze a few more in

 

 

Nash: home delivery pizza and pasta place. Cause the party arrives in 30minutes or its free!

 

 

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Nooo its Megatron bus! By the way does anyone have jumper leads??

 

 

Just pack it on a little bit….

 

 

I swear that came out of nowhere!!!

 

 

Translation: Paolino masturbated here

 

 

Translation: Lid, to put a stop to your diarrhea. Im sure the driver is proud to drive around in that truck.

 

 

Translation: Please do not pee or shit here.

Ahhh my people so charming and tactful.

 

 

There once was a tow rig that towed the truck that towed the car that towed the truck who broke down…

 

 

When people say that some latin countries are still back in the stone age… they were right…

YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANT HIDE FROM MEEE

Darum…darum…V Day is coming…. be VERY afraid 1, February, 2009

The signs of Valentine’s Day are starting to appear…. Shop windows being dressed with giant love hearts, the love heart shaped chocolates…. The magazines are starting to publish their “how to surprise your boyfriend for valentine’s day” articles….

It is nearing… *big giant sigh*…

It is beginning………………………

Another day, another sunrise and another smile 29, December, 2008

Mum (mom for those North Americans) collapsed on the floor in the kitchen yesterday. We had been sitting in the lounge together watching the news; she had complained that she didn’t feel very well. I got her some water and told her to just lay down for a bit until her dizziness went away. I closed my eyes for a second and didn’t even notice she had gotten up. I heard some moaning from the kitchen and I just ignored it because I am so used to her always moaning when she feels unwell…. I know it sounds harsh but I will explain… then suddenly she screamed and her body hit the floor… I yelled out “mum!” and my sister ran out from her room and we both started to do first aid on her as she lay on the floor faced down. She had bitten her bottom so she was bleeding a little. She kept saying “im so sorry for putting you girls through this, im sorry that ive ruined your life so young by having to look after me, I feel like im dying slowly inside so please forgive me for not been the healthy mother you should have had”.

I kept telling her it would be ok, that she was fine,  we took her BSL and her Blood Pressure they were both fine so we are unsure what caused her to collapse. We picked her up and laid her on the day bed in the lounge, gave her a little more water and calmed her down.  My sister went back to bed as she had a shift at the hospital later (lucky she is a nurse).  I stayed with mum all day and all night until she fell asleep.

I feel a little guilty and I feel bad that my reaction probably doesn’t seem normal to some people. Mum has been ill, critically ill, since last December. So for 12 months now I have lived a life of constant alertness. We have been to the brink [of death] and back with her for 12 months now it has become almost routine and so our reaction isn’t as “over the top” I guess is one way to put it. I do worry when she gets bad but im not so worried that my first reaction is to stress you know what I mean? Ive just seen her get to the point of appearing like she is dying and then she doesn’t that its just almost part of the daily routine sorta speak.

I spent most of the earlier part of this year not sleeping due to looking after mum and been alert and concerned about her health. We finally fell into a routine of her daily treatment and its part of life now that it doesn’t seem to bother me too much. My sister still cant really handle what happened I think, she cant handle the routine and the life so she will be moving out early 2009 that means that most of the care my mum requires will fall on me, but I am not scared Ive kinda been doing it all along anyway.  Finally since around November of this year I finally started feeling like I needed to get my life back and started to go out a lot more and enjoying my time. Mum does encourage me to go out and enjoy my life.

Its funny though that generally most people who go out do not worry about a family member been at home and in the back of their mind aren’t always thinking “I hope they are ok”. Whenever I go to work, when I go out with my friends, when I go out shopping without her, when I am just hanging out with friends, even when I go to sleep the truthful honest fact and question that I have to live with every day is “will I find her alive when I wake up or when I get home?”.

But she has survived another year which has surprised everyone. I am glad though. As much as I would like for her to be around longer, I know how much she suffers and she herself has had to sacrifice; her job, some of her hobbies, so many things that mostly can be summarized as her independence. For as long as I remember my mum has always been fiercely independent no matter what and for her to have lost that has been very hard for her. And that is painful to see. I encourage her independence a lot now, I did wrap her up in cotton wool at first but I had to learn to let go, trust that God will take care of anything and no matter she will be ok with us or with Him. So here is to another new year, all I ask is for Strength, wisdom and love to endure whatever comes this new year, to know how to handle all the situations that arise and that no matter what is going on love is abundant in my life; through my family, friends and yeah my selfish indulgence and wish is to find the one that is meant for me after all, life is beautiful no matter what happens and its great to share it with those you love.